The day I got called an “Enema”

It is not every day I wake up to a text message from someone I know, and expect to be greeted with those beautiful words “you’re an enima” (their wording)

I am not sure it is the kind of message that anyone would like or appreciate, yet there it was!

I read it again slowly in case I read it wrong … but no.. there it was…

How should I respond?


To give you, the reader some context, which I think is fair, this is in response to a message I had sent describing myself as “an enigma” meaning, a bit of a puzzle, cannot work out, and why would I say this about myself.

Have you ever been accused of being a certain way which has been hurtful?

In your eyes, you are not the person they say you are but from their perspective, their “truth” they spit these words out which you receive like venom and makes you question am I?

The truth is, maybe they only see certain sides of you, or parts of you which you allow them to see! Maybe they get frustrated because you do not fit their mould, or their boxes so out of their own frustrations and blind spots they will lash out or even say in a more gentle manner.

sticks and stones


Some of us may be familiar with that phrase, but if not it is one many of us in the uk growing up would have heard or said at some point growing up in their child hood.

In a sense, it is really nonsensical. We know that names can be very hurtful and stay with us for many years often affecting our adult lives in many areas of our life.

Of course as children we say it as a defence mechanism , as a way of saying “I am not bothered” or ” I do not care” whether we did or did not.

As adults then, how do we, or should we deal with name calling?

I guess in truth, there are many ways. We certainly have more options with our life experience, more developed brains, and coping strategies as well as perhaps different coping mechanisms that we have learned that were not available to us as children.

Perhaps you yourself have been called names or have called others names? – no judgement!

There is a saying that “hurt people hurt people” do you agree?

If you have been affected by bullying or still are and need to talk please DO GET IN TOUCH!


For those that do not know, An enema is a procedure which is used to relieve constipation and to stimulate stool (poo) evacuation. (I will not provide images)

To quote a google search definition “the process helps push waste out of the rectum when you cannot do so on your own” ( – have you ever been called a “pain in the rear” or similar?

i am a peace of mind coach

I am often asked what kind of coach are you, what is it you do?

I often refer to myself ironically as a “poo coach” People come to me when they have poo in their lives, – and I help shift it.

I am a “stool” expert – there I said it!

As a healthcare worker in my spare time, I am trained in all matter of stools, from size, consistency, to helping with flow, to helping it function properly, as it does serve a purpose!

As a coach therefore, I help people with their mental, emotional or spiritual poo helping to restore flow, rediscover purpose and offer coping and handling strategies.

offer of help

If you need a “poo coach” want to restore peace to your heart mind or soul – please do get in touch and let’s chat.

For more information:

click here to visit my website

contact me

Thank you for reading.

Please do like, follow or comment if this has resonated with you .

I also now have my own cosmetics store, so if you are feeling like “poo” and need cheering up with a nice bath soak or body creams to treat yourself, please do come and take a look and support me. click below. Thank you.

Steven Alexander’s Tropic skin care Cosmetics



Today instead of my normal blog I wrote a poem. A poem because to contain what I am feeling, I think I would explode or implode.

Not meant for anyone specifically and ironically this may offend and some may feel disrespected.

This poem is born out of the frustration of the world seeking so much, you lose yourself to a point where you despise yourself and others wonder why!

It is a reflection perhaps on the confusion that people feel about themselves of which, I am just as guilty.

The main difference is, I may not be unique in what I say, in the parts that others say but I will see beyond what you project because I see the hidden.

My poem. Some may relate to it.

“Which “me” do you want “me” to be!

Today I was asked not to be “me” because you said “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”

“You are not alone in not liking a part of “me” for others also, do not like other parts of “me” – which I then try to modify so I am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”

I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”

Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”

only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you! “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”

“You are not alone in not liking a part of “me” for others also do not like other parts of “me” which I then try to modify so i am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”

I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”

Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”

only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you

My personal reflection:

I reflect on this and discover I am guilty of this, perhaps I try and change others to how it suits me. I am changing this and I am constantly trying to change this.

How do we change without losing ourselves any further than we already have?

The irony is even the “found” (I have found) are not as “found” as they would like to believe or project on to others.

The befafflement of life.

Thanks for reading,

propic (2)

Steven Alexander

“Aim High, Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

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3 big life questions unpacked.

Hi, Thank you for dropping by!


Mentally things have been pretty tricky and I have been close to crisis point a few times. I have survived by focusing on work which itself has had its own challenges, but honestly between us, I have had a few blips and wobbles which have caused me anger and frustration.

I think focus has its place and something I am not that great on.


For me, I have to look further than normal… I call it “the end game” or “the bigger picture” or even “the long game”

I have been struggling with some of life’s fundamental questions AGAIN!

Who am I?

what am I about?

What do I want to achieve?

These are important questions to me as for some unknown reason I need purpose, I crave purpose but also valid reasoning behind them.

To brake these down then:

Who am I?

For those of us who have low self esteem, or have had bad experiences or hear those voices on repeat (I am not talking about schizophrenia) but those of WORTHLESSNESS etc etc, I do not need to go into detail… trying to play new voices on repeat that overcome these is hard. It is not as simple as “snap out of it” or “stop feeling sorry for yourself” These are genuine, crippling, voiced together of years of those words that stuck. You never intended them too, you wish you could vanquish them, however they are there, and some of us live with them.

#words can hurt, #words can scar.

WHO AM I? is also a search for “SELF IDENTITY” Sometimes we can lose ourselves in life, and lose ourselves in identities that are either fake, or shallow, or roles we have to play, or through survival. I wonder which of the “me’s” I have to play is the real “me?”

I re- learned recently when I “got lost” walking home that sometimes you have to get lost in order to be found…but also the question is, were you really lost at all, is a diversion a lost path?

I walked past a reflection the other day – I hate reflections of myself, but I looked, well, glanced. What I saw surprised me. I saw “strong” “proud” “independent” “Fierce” “focused” words I would never associate myself with. That morning was a good productive morning. Ouch I said “productive” another word I never use!

WHAT AM I ABOUT? This question is slightly harder and required some soul searching as again, the temptation is to go into default mode of..”nothing” “I have nothing” “I offer nothing” “I am nothing” and while there are some out there that would love to have me believe this – this is far from the truth and one of those lies of the devil. So I pondered….

I am about helping others, being someone that can be relied on, being a good worker, good friend, good parent. I am a reflector, I am a LIFE CHANGER! I am a being who does not give up in the face of adversity. I am a human being!

What makes us a human being? – what separates us from the animal kingdom? a blog for another time maybe.

I have wanted to walk away from my blog world this last few weeks. I keep asking myself WHAT IS THE POINT of them? of course not said in any positive or productive way.

A friend said recently as I was about to walk away and close up shop, said this..

“what you have to say is important. If it wasn’t you wouldn’t say it. If someone does not comment or whatever, it does not mean that it isn’t read or it hasn’t helped someone. You just do not know!”

My friend asked me what the blog was about…and I told her the content..

At this point my friend went quiet. “Don’t stop writing!” she said.. They are important issues, very important” She turned her head away from me.

At that beautiful moment I realised a deeper side to my friend as though she had confessed something without actually confessing it… I knew as hard as I found it,

I had to keep writing.

WHAT DO I WANT TO ACHIEVE? – world fame, recognition, riches? The truth is I really did not know, and perhaps this is why my blogs/life lacked direction, because I lack direction. My life was reflecting my mindset – chaotic. Perhaps it was hard to ask myself what I wanted to achieve. I was used to riding the waves of life, let others direct me, control me as though what I wanted did not matter, perhaps I did not care!

My parents and teachers would say “he can do anything when he puts his mind to it”

and I guess they were right… but truthfully this was too much like hard work. Do not get me wrong I am not lazy, I just have to seek purpose and meaning to what I want to achieve, and who for! I did not want to compete with others. I did not want to set myself up to fail or to maintain an unsustainable level of achievement.

I began to contemplate my memorable achievements. WHAT ARE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS?

I used to play a game called “paperboy” on my computer – I wanted to be a paper boy! – I became a paperboy -loved it.

I wanted to work in a fast food place because I love burgers and fries – I got a job working in a fast food place and got to eat burgers n fries. I also got fired as I ate too many burgers and fries.

I wanted to get paid for drinking and chatting to people in bars – I later did get a job doing that.

I wanted a job where I was paid to sleep – I am currently in a job where I get paid to sleep.

I wanted to WRITE AND EARN MONEY ON LINE – I am a little way there.

so my new mission or part of: is to travel and write and eat cake and write and drink coffee and write..oh and get paid at the same time would be great.

As I do have a charitable side I would have to help others to a capacity of sorts.

While out in the community I went to Mcdonalds… and there I was speaking on the phone when a guy began talking to me.

As I invited him over we chatted through life and issues and more life. The guy left with a smile and hope! saying “I haven’t smiled in ages”

Another friend.. needed spirits lifting.. so we spoke and I encouraged him.

It is as if in my desperation I was calling out about my purpose suddenly it is like God made appointments came my way of opportunities to help people where I could offer value. Helping others helps me.

This theme of lack of FEELING VALUED seems to be popping up a lot in peoples lives and work places- all around!

This blog , I refer to as my “rest room.”

Here is the place where I can be real, be honest, be me, and share. This blog will never be for everyone, it may never be for anyone, but it could be for someone, and that is enough for me.

 My blog adventures.

I write for Fedupofbeingpoor It is an insight of “striving to thrive” rather than survive. If the title grabs you, please do go and visit. Any tips or comments welcome. 

The throne Room  is my RESOURCE site. Feel free to check that and check in from time to time.New free content added regularly. If there are  life resources you think could benefit others and do not mind sharing or directing others towards please let me know.

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If you would  like to comment , can relate, need a chat, direction, or someone to listen, or your spirit lifting. Get in touch I would love to hear from you.


thanks for following

God bless you all <><

propic (2)

Steven Alexander

“Aim High, Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

Support me, sponsor me. I rely on the generosity and donations of good people like yourself. All support appreciated. Thank You.

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Sea of life

Isnt’ it amazing how we can be having a good day or maybe an ok day.. Or a surviving day, but it can take just the smallest thing to send us into crisis mode? The sea of life can be cruel sometimes right!

Today for me it was an a moment at work, something unplanned happened and I had no time to prepare, and the conversation that followed just sent the rest of the evening into a blur.. Crazy right, is it just me this happens to? But it honestly sent me into a spiral for a while after.

I received a few unpleasant  text messages, which also had the same affect and both knocked me off balance. – Maybe “one of them days!”

Sometimes It feels like I am treading water just trying to keep my head above the waves yet when each incident such as this happens it feels like a huge tidal wave crashing.

I couldn’t help but think of one of my favorite actors known for many roles such as Mrs doubt fire, dead poets society, pop eye, good morning Vietnam, mork and mindy, jumanji, to name a few. This guy was known for his humor his smiles, zany ness, yet underneath he appeared quite the opposite. I wonder if Robin Williams ever felt misunderstood or that people were so reliant on him being so jovial he was never his true self around them?

Do you ever feel like you hide your true self from others?

There are days where I feel I have things “sorted” but it ends up being a cover for the truth.

Some days it’s a struggle, a battle to not give up and embrace the world, some days as much as I may want to… It’s like a huge mental/ physical wall that stops me.

My to do list gets ever longer, never seems to go down.

It’s amazing how we can fight one form of control yet still be controlled by another.!

As defeated as I would like to feel, and fighting is exhausting, I choose to continue to fight, for while we fight, it is a sign we are still alive!


Stay safe my friends. <><

P. S there was a photo of a chair in a previous blog. The waves were threatening to take it as it lay on the beach to rot.

I rescued it and polished it and gave it a home.