10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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Metamorphosis.

FLOW OR FIGHT

(This is the beach 2 mins a walk from me) N.B all photos are my own.

A few years ago in my usual non wisdom I decided to try and paddle back in my kayak 10 miles across the sea home. I hadn’t done any serious canoeing /paddling for a long long time since my youth but here I was with a new kayak 🛶 thinking I could do it baring in mind I had driven their to start with and only intended to dabble with my paddle in a small cove not the open sea.

Off I set.

The sun was warm and I enjoyed the exercise. Before too long my arms began to ache, the tide was getting stronger and here I was paddling against it towards my destination.

I was totally unprepared as the weather began to turn, the waves got bigger, I had no phone no money on me no way of calling for help as there was no one around and I was a distance from shore as the waves took me further away.

As my strength drained and conditions worsened I began to panic, I was out of my depth and one stupid decision was looking like it could have been my last.

In the distance I see a beach and people so with the last remaining ounce of determination I fought the tide and collapsed on the beach. I had no idea where I was and still miles from home.

A local cafe owner took pity on me and let me use the phone where I called for a lift.

On this occasion it worked out OK but could have gone wrong. I am glad I tried and although I failed to reach my target despite a lot of odds against me I wasn’t far off, I learned some valuable lessons.

I think about the go with the flow or go against the tide analogy quite frequently and one route is definitely easier but what do I learn? And is it the better way?

I have to admit going with the flow is not my natural way, I always seem to have to fight against something and often I come out beaten or worse for wear so I ask myself is it worth it?

I find that when I go with the flow, sure its easier but then for me it just doesn’t feel right.

Just because others do something or say something should I follow?

If someone tells me a “fact” should I just accept it?

I’m wondering what others experiences are of when they feel they’ve gone with the flow or fought against the tide how it made them feel.

The odd thing, despite what I have said, is that on occasions I feel like I’m doing some things in my own strength and I am getting no where and it feels like a battle and it’s only when I let go draw back or threaten to give up that suddenly its almost like magic that “thing” I have been battling just seems to ease. Perhaps you can relate to this?

I think 🤔 I’m stuck in pondering as to which approach is better. I have to admit the older I get the easier I want life to be, so I am trying to find ways of reducing risk or stress.

A wise person once said, “choose your battles wisely” and I believe this.

If you are facing a battle today, then I am thinking of you. I hope that you find a way of equipping yourself or have the strength to know when to pull back.

Retreating is not a sign of weakness it’s a time of regaining strength, tactics and reevaluating the cost or consequences.

Peace be with you.

Please feel free to comment or get in touch or even share. <><

This is the place I call my “Thinking spot” That is my fave beach and bench and my loyal hound.

Photos are taken by me and subject to copyright and permissions. Alexander Simmonds Photography.

This is a pic of the back of a collection box of a charity I support, and I am still a member of. Read more about them.  If you contact them, tell them Captain Steve Simmonds sent you. I do not get commission but I might get a free coffee if I visit.