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Many years ago I stood on the roof top of a very large apartment block. I was with a friend.
It was partly to be rebellious, as for safety reasons it was not safe to be there. It was risky, dangerous.
We walked around the ledge 14 storeys high looking down, sheesh was high.
It was wild, free, we laughed.
But later we chatted through our lives as we sat on the edge. My friends dad would beat him regularly, my life was going down the pan. We were both spiraling, having given up on life and not caring about consequences.
I stood up on the ledge and looked down, my friend further away did the same. The same thought came to our minds……..to jump!
As I was about to a voice appeared to whisper to me.. “do not jump I love you”
The word “love” was a dirty word to me so not one I used. The voice whispered again… “I love you”
Tears fell from my face uncontrollably. I had not heard those words said meaningfully in many many years. I Cried.
I stepped back and pulled my friend away, and said.. “don’t jump, I love you mate…”
As crowds had gathered and sirens were roaring… We left the roof and never spoke of it again or shared it..
A Different Perspective
SO what do you think of when you hear the word “Jump?” What thoughts or emotions go through your head?
“Jump just jump”
– Imagine the scene! (or perhaps read the one below instead)
A parent is encouraging their child to jump into the water at the local swimming pool. The parent is there, arms open wide, their child inches away, but for some reason the child will not jump.
“I got you, I got you, you will be fine.” the parent soothes expectantly, and hopeful..
“I will catch you! you will be safe!“
The parent just wonders why their child does not trust them or what is stopping them.
The child looks first at the water, then to the parent, then back at the water. It sees the deep deep water, “what if I sink? what if my parent does not catch me, what if I fall?…….”
Then.. at that moment (or an eternity for the parent) the child makes the decision.. jump and face the consequences (which they know) of not jumping or jump and not know.. can they.. will they trust …is this faith to jump?
Have you ever been afraid of something, and you just do not know why? It is crazy right?
Sometimes there can be no rhyme or reason , or something you can put your finger on yet – yet there it is that “THING” again that just stops you!
Perhaps this blog is not you, and you can breathe because you can relax! You took that jump or several.. you have no issues with trust!
“Wow” – I so want to be that person, I want to be you! FEARLESS.
I did not want to write this blog today because it meant owning up to the fact that:
I have fears and insecurities – I have doubts and trust issues.
I do not want to admit that or share that with the world!
I am a man, an adult, what is that about?
I do not know how to deal with the above emotions it is hard, so hard..so when people share these things with me, I can relate, I can so relate, but I think it is ok to be scared!
I will say that again, It is ok to be scared!
Fear although can stop us, and be a self-defense mechanism to keep us safe, but being sacred is also about saying – “do you know what.. I am worried..”
And now…… we can “dialogue” – I love that word. I had to actually look up that word then, but this is what the first site said:
“To take part in a conversation or discussion to resolve a problem”
So now we are speaking or voicing our worries…and maybe we can get answers to these problems, by talking them through, or finding out.
I was scared about two things tonight…
Writing this blog today because I know there are things in my life which I need to “jump” into which are huge pools for me and unknown…
The second thing was using the phone and chatting to a friend who I have known for years.
But.…what harm could come to me writing a simple blog or speaking to a friend.
It is fair to add that it also “ok” not to “jump” sometimes the pressures to jump can have the opposite effect, in my first story, life was so bad I thought about it. If yours is… If you need to vent or dialogue, get in touch or chat to someone.
If we are asked to jump, and we are not ready, this may not end well, but other times we jump with hope and, faith, or fingers crossed in some circumstances.
Some of us may even do a risk assessment before we do anything and weigh up the risks. – welcome to risk management.
Jump or not jump?
“ToDay I JumPed.”
If you need to dialogue with somebody, or have no where to go or no one to go to, but you want help getting over your fears.
Today’s topic is about the toxic “stuff” in our lives. Do you have anything toxic you want or need to get rid of.
What does that word mean to you, if anything?
This is a subject I wanted to talk about a while back, but was something I was struggling with myself.
Reading a few other peoples blogs however, this word keeps cropping up time and time again.
As a fan of quotes, I wanted to insert, a phrase I seem to be hearing a lot:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results” – I am not sure if I agree with this!
I think there are occasions in life where if you are persistent or persevere long enough, you can get a different result – not everyone will agree.
I have been thinking a lot about life recently, and I would love to get rid of the toxic things in my life. By toxic, I mean the things that either make my life hard or that I would be better without i.e not good for me, unhealthy, distractions, harmful etc.
In order to do this, I had to write a list of the so called “toxic” things in my life.
So these were a mixture of:
Thoughts….some times I can hold on to negative things that have been said to me or about me..this makes me sad, doubt myself and feel like, (fill in your own word) I no longer want to let those things or people have power over me.
Words…sometimes I can be filled with hate, or contempt for another. My own bitterness can cause toxicity. I do not want to be like that even if I do it in self preservation or protection, it’s not who I am. My words can be cruel and can hurt because I am hurting.
A phrase I heard recently rings true for me “hurt people – hurt people”
People.. Sometimes we need to realise who the toxic people are in our lives and how best to deal with them in a way that we are not victims or that they have authority over us.
Sometimes people may not realise the affect they have on us, even when well intention-ed, and often these can be those closest to us. In their well intentions, they can still hurt thinking they know what’s best for us.
The most damaging phrase I had say to me was.. “I am saying this in love”
The word “love” itself has become toxic to me, and means things I would rather not go into. Some of you out there may be able to relate to what I’m saying.
Actions… This section is harder to write for me as it means being honest and vulnerable, but self harm is a huge thing for me. Most people may think self harm is cutting, but there is so much more to this.
Food for me is my thing, as I feel it’ s possibly the one thing I can control, so it means if I am in a bad place I will either over indulge or not eat.
Neglect of myself is another area I can often suffer from..
While depression can be a part of me I live with, I have to fight hard for it not to control me. This is a hard battle!
Some of my mindset has come from the damaging words and actions which have sunk in deep or play on repeat in my head.
Today I choose not to let ghosts of people past have that authority over me.
In essence toxic can be anything in our life which is not good for us.
I am not saying it is easy to change and sometimes we need very drastic things to happen to get us to that point.
Don’t be afraid to get help.
Maybe if you are fed up and seeking a change, perhaps now is the time!
Let’s do this toxic journey together.
Let’s make today be the start of a new life, new start, no more toxic!
Life can be sweeter! Sweet things can “grow on trees” and yes I have tasted from this tree of life, and it was good!