Toxic TaT! Together Against Toxic.

Welcome.

toxic
/ˈtɒksɪk/
adjective
  1. 1.
    poisonous.
    “the dumping of toxic waste”
    synonyms: poisonousvenomousvirulentnoxiousdangerousdestructiveharmfulunsafemalignantinjuriouspestilentialperniciousenvironmentally unfriendly;

Today’s topic is about the toxic “stuff” in our lives. Do you have anything toxic you want or need to get rid of.

Toxic

What does that word mean to you, if anything?

This is a subject I wanted to talk about a while back, but was something I was struggling with myself.

Reading a few other peoples blogs however, this word keeps cropping up time and time again.

As a fan of quotes, I wanted to insert, a phrase I seem to be hearing a lot:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results” – I am not sure if I agree with this!

I think there are occasions in life where if you are persistent or persevere long enough, you can get a different result – not everyone will agree.

I have been thinking a lot about life recently, and I would love to get rid of the toxic things in my life. By toxic, I mean the things that either make my life hard or that I would be better without i.e not good for me, unhealthy, distractions, harmful etc.

In order to do this, I had to write a list of the so called “toxic” things in my life.

So these were a mixture of:

Thoughts….some times I can hold on to negative things that have been said to me or about me..this makes me sad, doubt myself and feel like, (fill in your own word) I no longer want to let those things or people have power over me.

Words…sometimes I can be filled with hate, or contempt for another. My own bitterness can cause toxicity. I do not want to be like that even if I do it in self preservation or protection, it’s not who I am. My words can be cruel and can hurt because I am hurting.

A phrase I heard recently rings true for me “hurt people – hurt people”

People.. Sometimes we need to realise who the toxic people are in our lives and how best to deal with them in a way that we are not victims or that they have authority over us.

Sometimes people may not realise the affect they have on us, even when well intention-ed, and often these can be those closest to us. In their well intentions, they can still hurt thinking they know what’s best for us.

The most damaging phrase I had say to me was.. “I am saying this in love”

The word “love” itself has become toxic to me, and means things I would rather not go into. Some of you out there may be able to relate to what I’m saying.

Actions… This section is harder to write for me as it means being honest and vulnerable, but self harm is a huge thing for me. Most people may think self harm is cutting, but there is so much more to this.

Food for me is my thing, as I feel it’ s possibly the one thing I can control, so it means if I am in a bad place I will either over indulge or not eat.

Neglect of myself is another area I can often suffer from..

While depression can be a part of me I live with, I have to fight hard for it not to control me. This is a hard battle!

Some of my mindset has come from the damaging words and actions which have sunk in deep or play on repeat in my head.

Today I choose not to let ghosts of people past have that authority over me.

In essence toxic can be anything in our life which is not good for us.

I am not saying it is easy to change and sometimes we need very drastic things to happen to get us to that point.

Don’t be afraid to get help.

Maybe if you are fed up and seeking a change, perhaps now is the time!

Let’s do this toxic journey together.

Let’s make today be the start of a new life, new start, no more toxic!

Life can be sweeter! Sweet things can “grow on trees” and yes I have tasted from this tree of life, and it was good!

Peace be with you.

A tree containing lots of sweets
Money does not grow on trees but sweets do

centre parcs

If you would like to talk about anything toxic in your life, please..

do get in touch. or 

Find me on Face Book. 

Come visit again soon,

Steven Alexander

                                                         “Aim high – Aim higher”

 

Sea of life

Isnt’ it amazing how we can be having a good day or maybe an ok day.. Or a surviving day, but it can take just the smallest thing to send us into crisis mode? The sea of life can be cruel sometimes right!

Today for me it was an a moment at work, something unplanned happened and I had no time to prepare, and the conversation that followed just sent the rest of the evening into a blur.. Crazy right, is it just me this happens to? But it honestly sent me into a spiral for a while after.

I received a few unpleasant  text messages, which also had the same affect and both knocked me off balance. – Maybe “one of them days!”

Sometimes It feels like I am treading water just trying to keep my head above the waves yet when each incident such as this happens it feels like a huge tidal wave crashing.

I couldn’t help but think of one of my favorite actors known for many roles such as Mrs doubt fire, dead poets society, pop eye, good morning Vietnam, mork and mindy, jumanji, to name a few. This guy was known for his humor his smiles, zany ness, yet underneath he appeared quite the opposite. I wonder if Robin Williams ever felt misunderstood or that people were so reliant on him being so jovial he was never his true self around them?

Do you ever feel like you hide your true self from others?

There are days where I feel I have things “sorted” but it ends up being a cover for the truth.

Some days it’s a struggle, a battle to not give up and embrace the world, some days as much as I may want to… It’s like a huge mental/ physical wall that stops me.

My to do list gets ever longer, never seems to go down.

It’s amazing how we can fight one form of control yet still be controlled by another.!

As defeated as I would like to feel, and fighting is exhausting, I choose to continue to fight, for while we fight, it is a sign we are still alive!

KEEP FIGHTING!

Stay safe my friends. <><

P. S there was a photo of a chair in a previous blog. The waves were threatening to take it as it lay on the beach to rot.

I rescued it and polished it and gave it a home.

Losing sight.

Do you ever have one of those days where you just can’t find the things you need. Perhaps normally you wouldn’t think about them or need them, until.. You lose one thing, then another and it appears you have lost everything and you begin to go out of your mind!

Sound familiar?

Tonight is one of those moments, I’m moving things I’m turning the place upside down, I’m fretting… If only I took better care of things, if only I appreciated what I had.. And I am looking and looking.

Great effort is then put into this search and finally all that was lost does get found-phew peace restored.

So what do I learn from this.

Perhaps I learn that I need to take better care of the things I love.

In my distractions and busyness I lose sight of what’s important.

So now my space is a mess and every part of me wants to friek out.. But instead…..

  1. I see it as an opportunity to tidy up the trash

2. start putting things into place

3.bringing things together

4.  bringing order to the chaos.

I can learn that mess whilst messy doesn’t have to control me, I like this.

Slowly I begin to rebuild.

Fancy a chat

Have you ever lost anything or anyone? How did it make you feel?

Did you get those things back?

what do you miss most about them?

God bless ya folks and thanks for reading and following my journey.

N. B ALL COMMENTS AND THOUGHTS WELCOMED.