10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent


“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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Toxic TaT! Together Against Toxic.


  1. 1.
    “the dumping of toxic waste”
    synonyms: poisonousvenomousvirulentnoxiousdangerousdestructiveharmfulunsafemalignantinjuriouspestilentialperniciousenvironmentally unfriendly;

Today’s topic is about the toxic “stuff” in our lives. Do you have anything toxic you want or need to get rid of.


What does that word mean to you, if anything?

This is a subject I wanted to talk about a while back, but was something I was struggling with myself.

Reading a few other peoples blogs however, this word keeps cropping up time and time again.

As a fan of quotes, I wanted to insert, a phrase I seem to be hearing a lot:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results” – I am not sure if I agree with this!

I think there are occasions in life where if you are persistent or persevere long enough, you can get a different result – not everyone will agree.

I have been thinking a lot about life recently, and I would love to get rid of the toxic things in my life. By toxic, I mean the things that either make my life hard or that I would be better without i.e not good for me, unhealthy, distractions, harmful etc.

In order to do this, I had to write a list of the so called “toxic” things in my life.

So these were a mixture of:

Thoughts….some times I can hold on to negative things that have been said to me or about me..this makes me sad, doubt myself and feel like, (fill in your own word) I no longer want to let those things or people have power over me.

Words…sometimes I can be filled with hate, or contempt for another. My own bitterness can cause toxicity. I do not want to be like that even if I do it in self preservation or protection, it’s not who I am. My words can be cruel and can hurt because I am hurting.

A phrase I heard recently rings true for me “hurt people – hurt people”

People.. Sometimes we need to realise who the toxic people are in our lives and how best to deal with them in a way that we are not victims or that they have authority over us.

Sometimes people may not realise the affect they have on us, even when well intention-ed, and often these can be those closest to us. In their well intentions, they can still hurt thinking they know what’s best for us.

The most damaging phrase I had say to me was.. “I am saying this in love”

The word “love” itself has become toxic to me, and means things I would rather not go into. Some of you out there may be able to relate to what I’m saying.

Actions… This section is harder to write for me as it means being honest and vulnerable, but self harm is a huge thing for me. Most people may think self harm is cutting, but there is so much more to this.

Food for me is my thing, as I feel it’ s possibly the one thing I can control, so it means if I am in a bad place I will either over indulge or not eat.

Neglect of myself is another area I can often suffer from..

While depression can be a part of me I live with, I have to fight hard for it not to control me. This is a hard battle!

Some of my mindset has come from the damaging words and actions which have sunk in deep or play on repeat in my head.

Today I choose not to let ghosts of people past have that authority over me.

In essence toxic can be anything in our life which is not good for us.

I am not saying it is easy to change and sometimes we need very drastic things to happen to get us to that point.

Don’t be afraid to get help.

Maybe if you are fed up and seeking a change, perhaps now is the time!

Let’s do this toxic journey together.

Let’s make today be the start of a new life, new start, no more toxic!

Life can be sweeter! Sweet things can “grow on trees” and yes I have tasted from this tree of life, and it was good!

Peace be with you.

A tree containing lots of sweets
Money does not grow on trees but sweets do

centre parcs

If you would like to talk about anything toxic in your life, please..

do get in touch. or 

Find me on Face Book. 

Come visit again soon,

Steven Alexander

                                                         “Aim high – Aim higher”


life line or whine?

(Took this on my walk near me, I thought it was right for this post:)


Happy reading, get brew on. (is this just a uk phrase?)

So friends, I’ve been trying to write this for a couple of days but I’ve been distracted, shocker right!!

Life lines – So I was sitting down like I do alot.. And I had an image of a life belt/boyency aid.. And I’m like why?

You see the answer was simple.. Let me tell ya a joke. I’m no good at these so bare wiv me. (it is a remix of a classic)

A man has capsized, his lil boat is upside down and he is treading water and doing those actions you do to try and look up out and keep your head out the water but slowly your drowning because you only got limited amount of energy or you can only face those beating waves for so long.. So you get the picture.

The guy is like obviously “I’m going under here, God help me”

A boat 🛥 happens to spot him from afar.. And says mate you need help… This fella instead of saying yea says nah GOD will save me. The boat leaves, the man won’t listen. A sea turtle 🐢 swims by n says jump on my back.. Still the man says no GOD will save me. A helicopter 🚁 flys above the coastguard.. Still the fella says no. Now his hair is messed up n wet, his man liner is smeared his cuticles are not looking good here.. And finally he drowns.

He gets to heaven n he has it out wiv GOD saying why didn’t you save me.?

GOD says to him. “Are you for real?” I sent a boat, a turtle, the coastguard what more did you want.

Its a spin on an old joke…but the point is, it reminded me of the situation I was in and previous ones and life lines people had thrown me..

I was hungry people offered me food and I’m like no thanks, then I’m like Homer Simpson Doh! – cos i’m still hungry!

I’m after some new accommodation, so people are sending me adverts suggesting things…  – Guess what. I’m still where I was.. Havn’t moved!

I had some debts.. I had offers of help but because they came with conditions I’m like no thanks – Yep remained in debt!

I could go on with this list. Now the reason I don’t accept help is because I’m stubborn, proud, foolish, low self esteem.. But these things are stopping me from getting what I need. I’m not even asking these folk for help but they are giving it and at some point they will stop.

I’m working on my issues.

So please don’t be like me if you are, if you need help and someone one offers, for goodness sake take it.. why… Because you would do the same for them right.

Make the change and never look a gift horse in the mouth.. Neigh.

Peace n love

Steven Alexander,

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Do people go through a metamorphosis?

If you have been following my journey let me share. If you haven’t and are new – welcome!

Of late things are going crazy. My paper notepad is all used up and I’m on  pad 2 and a voice inside my head whispers.. ”

“You need folders and a filing cabinet..” This sounds extreme but I’m starting to get a glimpse why…

In earlier posts I’ve mentioned this year I’d like to do things that scare me.. And let me share with you since I’ve said that how a whole can of whoop worms are coming out..

So here’s what I’ve done so far.. They may not seem major to you but huge milestones n millstones…

Looking at bank statements – Yep I never used to do this. Not only am I doing this I’m also starting budgeting and saving. I used to hide and fear these. Now I am better but it is a hard mindset to change

Giving blood – fear of blood and needles

Planning for the future.. Never done it.. Live for today but I’m actually thinking about planning for the future and excited about raising money to put into these pots.

Reading.. I hate it.. Find it boring -Now I’m reading blogs articles books on business creating a reading list.

Goal setting. Goal setting.. Just repeating it sends shivers of scariness yet today I’m writing myself goals, short term, long term, goals around goals and these goals make sense and it’s like I actually look forward to doing these and by doing these I’ll get a sense of achievement answerable only to myself.

These are all only in the last couple of weeks and I’m just getting started.

I really couldn’t have done this without you readers, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Maybe if I get the hang of it and you need help with anything perhaps one day I can return the favor.

Grab a coffee or drink and Come follow me on my journey

Need support on your journey or  move forward with your life, Are you wondering how to stop being scared or want to do something scary but…

Drop me a line – let’s chat.

Peace n love

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