Beat Brokenness

Welcome.

This post today is about those feelings of inner brokenness and how to over come them.

Have you ever felt broken? This does mean to suggest you are actually broken, but it sure feels like that! – “Hang in there!”

I know about brokenness! Today I broke down in tears just listening to a piece of music, have you ever done that?

There was a song I had had in my mind for over two weeks.

I am not sure where it came from or why, but there I was at work, always at work with this tune in my head.

Despite not knowing what it was I was determined to find it and listen to it.

It was almost like I had a date with destiny, and I did not want to miss out on no date.

What was so important about this particular song I had to find out.

So I began my search, and there she was..

Within literally seconds I am in floods of tears. It was like meeting a friend who was waiting for me, who had been waiting for me and here I was a gibbering mess on my knees in a ball in front of them as they put their arms around me, and just held me….

They said nothing, just held me tight, and I sobbed and they held me tighter. They wanted nothing from me.. I had nothing to give, I had nothing to give.

For so so long, years and years I had held on to so much stuff, secrets, abuse. hurts, those things which I had never shared .

I had spent so long surviving it was literally making me weaker and by not dealing with the brokenness, because no one wants to hang out with sad or depressed people, I carried more and more stuff by myself.

Not only did I carry my stuff, I carried years of other peoples brokenness too because they needed someone to be  there for them and I would never take that back, they are the most beautiful soulful people ever, and I will cherish them.It has been beautiful to see them grow and know I have been a part of their journey,

I refused to ask nothing from these folks only to believe in themselves and where they wanted to be, and to see them flourish was my goal….And how they soared and me so proud.

I found however, each time as heart warming as this was, I knew at some point they would move on or I would have to move on and this has honestly been a lonely journey. As good as a friend they may have become they could not take away what was at my core, and that was fine, I knew this was my journey.

And now I sit and listen to this song on repeat “as time stands still” and it feels like I have come to a time in my life of battle battle battle and finally scarred, bitten, broken feeling, I lift my head… and say to my myself ..”I survived.…..I survived…. but now it is time to stop just existing but to live.. and this means letting go.. not just a bit,, but all…. ALL OF IT!

In this moment, this paused moment, I do not have to be strong, I do not have to be some one else’s light, I do not have to be that father, that son, that husband, that colleague, that guru, that happy go lucky person, that annoying person, the person who fails, the person who does not measure up, that person who is never good enough…

*****Here I am in my utter rawness******

This person stands and tries to lift me up…. As I am unable to stand instead they kneel beside me

kneeling beside someone
I am with you

I look up and see who it is who is there… and it is me… only a different version, it is hard to explain, but they whisper…. “I have been waiting a long time for you, I do not believe we have met properly but I have been there, you know that right?”

I nod.

“come!” he says… “It is time!”

“Time for what? “ I ask

“you will see, this is your time…………………………………………………………….”

I get up leaving all my baggage. I do not need that for where I am going. I am now free.

I am free!

It has taken a long time to get here!

As I look around behind me, those who I have helped both dead and alive are standing together ushering me on…… and together they say…..

“This is your time… thank you for helping us, but it is now time to help yourself… and guess what, if ever you need us.. we are still here, we got your back..but go now… its time to go now………”

and it reminds me from the last scene of  one of my favourite films “Labyrinth.

“should you need us.”

Thank you everyone, and thank you for reading this!

GOURANGA! (BE HAPPY)

If you have been affected by this post or can relate and want to chat about things or need someone to listen. Please do not hesitate to get in touch.

Steven Alexander,

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

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Welcome

Today I give thanks and honour to my friends, readers followers, of whom without you I truly would not be here and I mean this literally.  – Steven Alexander

This blog is not a side which many will see, will know of me, and I am sure would be shocked, but I share with you in my quest for mental-freedom whatever that looks like, so somehow I can inspire others and hold them up.

There are times when things just overwhelm me, and my mind and spirit just struggle to cope. I can have amazing days, o.k days, good days, but it can take just a word, or a message or just the tiniest thing to flip this emotion.

I seek breakthrough strategies that I can pass on and share to strengthen others, just as others  have lifted  me this month.

It is as though those who felt they were alone ,are being brought together, connected, to share, to relate, to just be with another…not to say I understand, not to say “what you need to do is” not to add to the burdens of life, but instead to metaphorically stand with.. alongside.

I have been building some foundations and my journey has taken some twists and turns but by grace I am being refined and shaped and brought back here as my place of retreat rest and sanctuary.

I feel like this blog, where I started my journey as a “Dads Diary” has become so much more. This is my virtual “safe room” that “cell” than rather confines me in a bad way like other cells,  this one I can just be me.. I can cry, I can do business, I can go back, move forward without white noise.

So I am seeking breakthroughs today and putting them on my mental vision board.

I have a house situation… I’m seeking a house.

Still fighting to keep the wolf from the door – finances

Trying to reach my intention point and seeking alignment #law of attraction.

Continue to fight-  depression, oppression, slander, bullying, jealous folk, scoffers.

Jamie Rohrbaugh, has been a huge inspiration to me. She has a wealth of resources and experiences. Coming from a christian perspective she shares how she has battled and now helps others including areas of depression and poverty. Thank you Jamie. 

There are so many of you I could name on here so from the bottom of heart thank you for all you are and what you do. 

If you are in need of break through today whatever it is I am thinking of you. If you want to get in touch and need some one, please do drop me a line.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander

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photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

“Aim High, Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

Support me, sponsor me. I rely on the generosity and donations of good people like yourself. All support appreciated. Thank You.

Resources

Pushing back the shadows –  Support and awareness for mental health –  Anxiety, mental health depression 

Choose Life.

New life.

Write a dream, live a dream!

BREATHE – YOU GOT THIS! 

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