10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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Metamorphosis.

“Jump on in”

Welcome,

Thank you for visiting,

Many years ago I stood on the roof top of a very large apartment block. I was with a friend.

It was partly to be rebellious, as for safety reasons it was not safe to be there. It was risky, dangerous.

We walked around the ledge 14 storeys high looking down, sheesh was high.

It was wild, free, we laughed.

But later we chatted through our lives as we sat on the edge. My friends dad would beat him regularly, my life was going down the pan. We were both spiraling, having given up on life and not caring about consequences.

I stood up on the ledge and looked down, my friend further away did the same. The same thought came to our minds……..to jump!

As I was about to a voice appeared to whisper to me.. “do not jump I love you”

The word “love” was a dirty word to me so not one I used. The voice whispered again… “I love you”

Tears fell from my face uncontrollably. I had not heard those words said meaningfully in many many years. I Cried.

I stepped back and pulled my friend away, and said.. “don’t jump, I love you mate…”

As crowds had gathered and sirens were roaring… We left the roof and never spoke of it again or shared it..

A Different Perspective

SO what do you think of when you hear the word “Jump?” What thoughts or emotions go through your head?

“Jump just jump”

– Imagine the scene! (or perhaps read the one below instead)

Emergency, Exit, Green, White, Direction

A parent is encouraging their child to jump into the water at the local swimming pool. The parent is there, arms open wide, their child inches away, but for some reason the child will not jump.

“I got you, I got you, you will be fine.” the parent soothes expectantly, and hopeful..

I will catch you! you will be safe!

The parent just wonders why their child does not trust them or what is stopping them.

The child looks first at the water, then to the parent, then back at the water. It sees the deep deep water, “what if I sink? what if my parent does not catch me, what if I fall?…….”

Then.. at that moment (or an eternity for the parent) the child makes the decision.. jump and face the consequences (which they know) of not jumping or jump and not know.. can they.. will they trust …is this faith to jump?

Have you ever been afraid of something, and you just do not know why? It is crazy right?

Sometimes there can be no rhyme or reason , or something you can put your finger on yet – yet there it is that “THING” again that just stops you!

Perhaps this blog is not you, and you can breathe because you can relax! You took that jump or several.. you have no issues with trust!

“Wow” – I so want to be that person, I want to be you! FEARLESS.

I did not want to write this blog today because it meant owning up to the fact that:

I have fears and insecurities – I have doubts and trust issues.

I do not want to admit that or share that with the world!

I am a man, an adult, what is that about?

I do not know how to deal with the above emotions it is hard, so hard..so when people share these things with me, I can relate, I can so relate, but I think it is ok to be scared!

I will say that again, It is ok to be scared!

Fear although can stop us, and be a self-defense mechanism to keep us safe, but being sacred is also about saying – “do you know what.. I am worried..”

And now…… we can “dialogue” – I love that word. I had to actually look up that word then, but this is what the first site said:

“To take part in a conversation or discussion to resolve a problem”

Origin Middle English: from Old French dialoge, via Latin from Greek dialogos, from dialegesthai ‘converse with’, from dia ‘through’ + legein ‘speak’.

So now we are speaking or voicing our worries…and maybe we can get answers to these problems, by talking them through, or finding out.

I was scared about two things tonight

Firstly:

Writing this blog today because I know there are things in my life which I need to “jump” into which are huge pools for me and unknown…

The second thing was using the phone and chatting to a friend who I have known for years.

But.…what harm could come to me writing a simple blog or speaking to a friend.

It is fair to add that it also “ok” not to “jump” sometimes the pressures to jump can have the opposite effect, in my first story, life was so bad I thought about it. If yours is… If you need to vent or dialogue, get in touch or chat to someone.

If we are asked to jump, and we are not ready, this may not end well, but other times we jump with hope and, faith, or fingers crossed in some circumstances.

Some of us may even do a risk assessment before we do anything and weigh up the risks. – welcome to risk management.

Jump or not jump?

“ToDay I JumPed.”

Image result for scared to jump in pool

If you need to dialogue with somebody, or have no where to go or no one to go to, but you want help getting over your fears.

Contact me anytime:My door is always open

Image result for scared to jump in deep water

Thanks for Reading, please visit soon, or feel free to comment.

Steven Alexander,

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