10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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“know your worth – you have value”

Just do it….

Metamorphosis.

Overcome Insignificance.

many ways to welcome
A good welcome is like the best hug ever!

Hi and welcome to this blog today.

Question: Do you ever have  feelings of insignificance? how does it affect you and how do you combat this?

How do you “add value” to relationships or situations?

Are you searching for happiness?

Today I will be exploring these issues.

I write as often as I can but sometimes life just overwhelms me.

I cannot explain how or why it does, I just know its’ affects, and it can be really disabling. Sometimes the most simple things become really hard, and it is like I get a block and I can’t move on.

if tired stops/rest
time to pull over and rest

Some friends recently suggested I “stop” and “rest” but then I feel like I am doing nothing as it is, when actually if I look back over my day It has probably been far from nothing.

I am suffering a lot with insignificance at the moment, and I wish I could shake it!

I belong to a few groups on line and a video popped up of one it’s members talking about how members can add “value” to the group rather than just “take” from it.

A lot of the business and marketing videos and books  I am watching and reading is also talking about this theme of “adding value.” It is like I cannot escape from it.

A sense of irony.

I have been chatting to some one I know recently who is selling a house… I am in need of buying a house. I make inquiries and express an interest of sorts, as I wonder is this the right house for me as you would do. If you are investing in something you want to know it is something you want or can work with right!

The conversations over the next few days become strange. This person is then telling me in one breath how it would be a great house for me, and then not, as I cannot afford it, I should consider renting, there is a flat available this person knows or when they move out the place they are in. The reality is this person wants to get the highest value for their house, understandably so and knows I will want to offer a lower than market offer as others have done, only I am not it in it to flip or make profit, I just need a “home”

We chat about what I am currently getting for my money (see again value) and how if I want anything decent I have to pay a lot of money for it but I would have to give up things such as “WiFi” in order to afford what I want. As some one who spends a lot of time on line whether its supporting someone or research or earning money or writing, and is indeed a way of life, WiFi is not a luxury item ,I see it as a necessity valuing it more than food and drink itself – I digress.

Just because I am savvy does not mean I cannot afford things, and this person has no idea of my finances but makes presumptions anyway and begins to tell me what I need to do. I then think what value is this conversation bringing to me or is it having the opposite effect?

Just recently this phrase “what you need to do” has become quite the bug bear for me. I am sure it may come from a well meaning place, but does that person really know my needs.. have they asked me? I am more than happy to have a dialogue about this if they care that much about my needs. I am a rational guy, I can listen to wisdom……..

As a reflective person, I think to myself do I say similar things to others without realising?

Does what I say hurt others and would they tell me if it did? I hope they would and especially with friends as we are all on journeys and we don’t get stuff right. Am I adding value to this friendship?

Often in friendships, friends encourage us to be honest and truthful and be open as good relationships should be, but yet I find even this approach offends, so I learn to back off and distance and then I cannot offend.  Perhaps this is counter productive, I do not know. I then begin to think what kind of friend am I actually and this makes me sad. I had to research what makes a good friend. 

a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face
friends are better than gold

ARE-YOU-A-GOOD-FRIEND?

How to Be a Good Friend
  1. Make sure they’re okay the moment you sense something wrong. …
  2. Know when to be serious and when to be goofy. …
  3. Go the extra mile when they ask for help. …
  4. Don’t give up on them during their darkest hours. …
  5. Make them feel wanted. …
  6. Tell them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)

There is much more of course but now I think I fail at being a friend too sometimes!

 

If you do not know something.. do not be afraid to ask and research (seek and you will find)

I realise if I feel I can add value to life or to relationships then maybe I will no longer feel inadequate,perhaps if I can think less of what I am going through and think more of them, but then sometimes I am that busy trying to make others happy I never find time for myself.

If you relate to what I am saying then check out this link. how to add value to relationships

That will bring a page of suggestions up, but I look at the how to make yourself better page which suggests 6 things to try.

  1. Better ourselves.
  2. Help our partner (friends) become better.
  3. Do something to build trust.
  4. Do something to build investment.
  5. Do something to make our partner (friends) happy.
  6. Conquer an obstacle

As I looked more on this particular site, I found a page about happiness and seeking happiness.. I wondered if this too had any nugget of wisdom to add to my post of value and inadequacy and of course it did.

If like me you  are on a search of happiness which seems to be my life mission, and I have not found the secret yet… my eyes were drawn to this one sentence.

How-to-be-happy.

“until I can learn to be happy right now…until I can be totally content and pleased with who I am right NOW, what I have NOW, the people I have in my life NOW, and the financial situation I am experiencing NOW, I will NEVER be truly happy.”

Check it out here

There is always something I want but do not have. Sometimes I never truly appreciate what I have.

This week I am having a “gratitude week” being thankful for all of those in my life, who have added value to me and I hope I have added something to theirs.

Thank you for stopping by.

If you would like to chat about any of the things I have bought up today, that maybe you  are going through too.. please do not hesitate to get in touch.

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HAVE A GOOD DAY FOLKS – ABUNDANT BLESSINGS THIS DAY.

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High, Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

Support me, sponsor me. I rely on the generosity and donations of good people like yourself. All support appreciated. Thank You.

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