10 ways to deal with your fears

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Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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3 big life questions unpacked.

Hi, Thank you for dropping by!

 

Mentally things have been pretty tricky and I have been close to crisis point a few times. I have survived by focusing on work which itself has had its own challenges, but honestly between us, I have had a few blips and wobbles which have caused me anger and frustration.

I think focus has its place and something I am not that great on.

HOW TO FOCUS?

For me, I have to look further than normal… I call it “the end game” or “the bigger picture” or even “the long game”

I have been struggling with some of life’s fundamental questions AGAIN!

Who am I?

what am I about?

What do I want to achieve?

These are important questions to me as for some unknown reason I need purpose, I crave purpose but also valid reasoning behind them.

To brake these down then:

Who am I?

For those of us who have low self esteem, or have had bad experiences or hear those voices on repeat (I am not talking about schizophrenia) but those of WORTHLESSNESS etc etc, I do not need to go into detail… trying to play new voices on repeat that overcome these is hard. It is not as simple as “snap out of it” or “stop feeling sorry for yourself” These are genuine, crippling, voiced together of years of those words that stuck. You never intended them too, you wish you could vanquish them, however they are there, and some of us live with them.

#words can hurt, #words can scar.

WHO AM I? is also a search for “SELF IDENTITY” Sometimes we can lose ourselves in life, and lose ourselves in identities that are either fake, or shallow, or roles we have to play, or through survival. I wonder which of the “me’s” I have to play is the real “me?”

I re- learned recently when I “got lost” walking home that sometimes you have to get lost in order to be found…but also the question is, were you really lost at all, is a diversion a lost path?

I walked past a reflection the other day – I hate reflections of myself, but I looked, well, glanced. What I saw surprised me. I saw “strong” “proud” “independent” “Fierce” “focused” words I would never associate myself with. That morning was a good productive morning. Ouch I said “productive” another word I never use!

WHAT AM I ABOUT? This question is slightly harder and required some soul searching as again, the temptation is to go into default mode of..”nothing” “I have nothing” “I offer nothing” “I am nothing” and while there are some out there that would love to have me believe this – this is far from the truth and one of those lies of the devil. So I pondered….

I am about helping others, being someone that can be relied on, being a good worker, good friend, good parent. I am a reflector, I am a LIFE CHANGER! I am a being who does not give up in the face of adversity. I am a human being!

What makes us a human being? – what separates us from the animal kingdom? a blog for another time maybe.

I have wanted to walk away from my blog world this last few weeks. I keep asking myself WHAT IS THE POINT of them? of course not said in any positive or productive way.

A friend said recently as I was about to walk away and close up shop, said this..

“what you have to say is important. If it wasn’t you wouldn’t say it. If someone does not comment or whatever, it does not mean that it isn’t read or it hasn’t helped someone. You just do not know!”

My friend asked me what the blog was about…and I told her the content..

At this point my friend went quiet. “Don’t stop writing!” she said.. They are important issues, very important” She turned her head away from me.

At that beautiful moment I realised a deeper side to my friend as though she had confessed something without actually confessing it… I knew as hard as I found it,

I had to keep writing.

WHAT DO I WANT TO ACHIEVE? – world fame, recognition, riches? The truth is I really did not know, and perhaps this is why my blogs/life lacked direction, because I lack direction. My life was reflecting my mindset – chaotic. Perhaps it was hard to ask myself what I wanted to achieve. I was used to riding the waves of life, let others direct me, control me as though what I wanted did not matter, perhaps I did not care!

My parents and teachers would say “he can do anything when he puts his mind to it”

and I guess they were right… but truthfully this was too much like hard work. Do not get me wrong I am not lazy, I just have to seek purpose and meaning to what I want to achieve, and who for! I did not want to compete with others. I did not want to set myself up to fail or to maintain an unsustainable level of achievement.

I began to contemplate my memorable achievements. WHAT ARE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS?

I used to play a game called “paperboy” on my computer – I wanted to be a paper boy! – I became a paperboy -loved it.

I wanted to work in a fast food place because I love burgers and fries – I got a job working in a fast food place and got to eat burgers n fries. I also got fired as I ate too many burgers and fries.

I wanted to get paid for drinking and chatting to people in bars – I later did get a job doing that.

I wanted a job where I was paid to sleep – I am currently in a job where I get paid to sleep.

I wanted to WRITE AND EARN MONEY ON LINE – I am a little way there.

so my new mission or part of: is to travel and write and eat cake and write and drink coffee and write..oh and get paid at the same time would be great.

As I do have a charitable side I would have to help others to a capacity of sorts.

While out in the community I went to Mcdonalds… and there I was speaking on the phone when a guy began talking to me.

As I invited him over we chatted through life and issues and more life. The guy left with a smile and hope! saying “I haven’t smiled in ages”

Another friend.. needed spirits lifting.. so we spoke and I encouraged him.

It is as if in my desperation I was calling out about my purpose suddenly it is like God made appointments came my way of opportunities to help people where I could offer value. Helping others helps me.

This theme of lack of FEELING VALUED seems to be popping up a lot in peoples lives and work places- all around!

This blog , I refer to as my “rest room.”

Here is the place where I can be real, be honest, be me, and share. This blog will never be for everyone, it may never be for anyone, but it could be for someone, and that is enough for me.

 My blog adventures.

I write for Fedupofbeingpoor It is an insight of “striving to thrive” rather than survive. If the title grabs you, please do go and visit. Any tips or comments welcome. 

The throne Room  is my RESOURCE site. Feel free to check that and check in from time to time.New free content added regularly. If there are  life resources you think could benefit others and do not mind sharing or directing others towards please let me know.

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If you would  like to comment , can relate, need a chat, direction, or someone to listen, or your spirit lifting. Get in touch I would love to hear from you.

 

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Steven Alexander

“Aim High, Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

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Just do it….

Welcome on in,

A Few years back I took my daughter to swimming lessons. At the mere age of two or younger she was introduced to the concept of “jumping in.” can you imagine because I can’t what that small person was thinking at this command.. “jump what’s that.. This is a new concept.” scared! They may not verbalise it but perhaps there was fear. No way of knowing how deep the water was, who would catch me, what if I do I it wrong… The mind wanders.. But still expectant parents look at their miniature selves with that expectation of you can do it, just do it, I’ve got you. Arms open wide they cheer the youngster on, and low and behold the child falls and the parent catches them.

Now, I’m a little older than that, and I’m hearing that “just do it” voice with my latest ventures yet I’m prevented by the same fears of that small child, why is this?

It seems almost irrational, yet I hold myself back.

With this in mind, I’m declaring next week as a week of “just doing it.” so that book I’ve been meaning to write I will start, the latest hair brained idea to make money or save money I will do, those actions I have been putting off will be actioned.

If I am honest this fear of failure has probably held me back for years, the feeling of not being good enough, not exceeding expectations. If I say I’m doing it, people think I’m full of hot air or laugh at my idea or dream, so I never do them, if I don’t do them then I prove them right, if I do it and fail, I prove them right, if I succeed it will still be not good enough.

Well I declare enough is enough.. If I fail at least I’ve tried, if I succeed it will be by my own merits (and maybe some encouragement) but I no longer want to be ruled by low self esteem or feelings of failure.

My dreams may differ from others but doesn’t make them any less valuable so I am learning about this word value and valuing myself.

Maybe you are a dreamer or been putting off something, or scared of that thing that’s been maybe nudging you to do.. Let me encourage you, if me and all my issues can do this so can you.

Need help support or encouragement? Let me know I’d be happy to help.

Peace and love folks.

Steven Alexander

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Taking time out is Time well spent

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