Feel like you are not getting any where despite how hard you try?

Feel like you are on your own, and no one listens or cares?

If either of the above is true, then lean in, come in closer, because this page, this page right here, is just for you.

Some times in life we can lose our way. There is no shame nor judgement in that and it can take the smallest of things , not just the big things to knock us off track, so how do we get back on?

is the path you are on the right one for you?

This seems rather a personal question but what it does, is gets you to think about what that means, and how this can help you.

Who are you living for? Who are you pleasing or trying to please?

Some times we live our life trying to please others and that is amazing, it is honorable but is it YOU, and do we achieve in pleasing them and does it make you happy?

If you are happy then feel free to not read further, but if you are thinking and have more questions then please stay with me.

WE ALL HAVE OUR BREAKDOWNS AND CRY MOMENTS.

You are not on your own if you do. It is human, it is natural and it is your bodys’ self defence mechanism trying to cope with what is going on.

Our minds, our hearts can only take so much! They need space to process, to think through to strategise what is next, and how to move on.

For those of who have heard of or study “Mbraining or Multiple Brain Integration Techniques MBIT for short ) we recognise that we have multiple brains that are capable of thinking.

The most common of these are the heart, the brain and the gut, although there are more.

So to give an example…..(just an example)

You might be feeling upset – heart

You need cheering up to find balance again – Mind

Gut – chocolate is the answer

Of course there may be deeper work that may need to happen but in that moment as a short fix as a band aid/plaster

“yes, chocolate gives off chemicals that makes us feel happy” – the brain – I agree to that solution.

“yes, chocolate is my comfort food and I do feel happier and I want to feel happier” – heart

“yes let’s do it” – gut

So in this scenario we say that they are all in agreement and we call this alignment.

How does this apply to my problem

Great question!

What you are going through right now, may need a quick temporary fix to get you through but may also need some deeper work.. for example if I have a puncture, I may get a puncture repair kit which will work for so long but at some point I may need to replace the tyre.

Do you want a quick fix or do you want more extensive work?

Sometimes we get lost, stuck lose our purpose, do not have a purpose, lose our identity or lose perspective, and we need help restoring those things. Sometimes when we live for others or please others we lose ourselves.

some simple top tips

  • Acknowledge the moment – look back at where you have come from to where you are now. Ask yourself : Have you grown mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
  • Assess – what is not working right now, do you need help, do you have the knowledge, experience, skills to move forward, if not who has?
  • Ask and receive help – maybe you have helped others and now you need to allow others to help you . This is not a time for pride, independence or ego, this is not that time.
  • re allign.. – perhaps you came off course. Time to re adjust or head on a new setting or new journey.

If this has helped or resonates, please like share comment, or if you want help, please do get in touch to see if I can help further.

Thank you for reading .

Steven Alexander

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10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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Metamorphosis.

Beat Brokenness

Welcome.

This post today is about those feelings of inner brokenness and how to over come them.

Have you ever felt broken? This does mean to suggest you are actually broken, but it sure feels like that! – “Hang in there!”

I know about brokenness! Today I broke down in tears just listening to a piece of music, have you ever done that?

There was a song I had had in my mind for over two weeks.

I am not sure where it came from or why, but there I was at work, always at work with this tune in my head.

Despite not knowing what it was I was determined to find it and listen to it.

It was almost like I had a date with destiny, and I did not want to miss out on no date.

What was so important about this particular song I had to find out.

So I began my search, and there she was..

Within literally seconds I am in floods of tears. It was like meeting a friend who was waiting for me, who had been waiting for me and here I was a gibbering mess on my knees in a ball in front of them as they put their arms around me, and just held me….

They said nothing, just held me tight, and I sobbed and they held me tighter. They wanted nothing from me.. I had nothing to give, I had nothing to give.

For so so long, years and years I had held on to so much stuff, secrets, abuse. hurts, those things which I had never shared .

I had spent so long surviving it was literally making me weaker and by not dealing with the brokenness, because no one wants to hang out with sad or depressed people, I carried more and more stuff by myself.

Not only did I carry my stuff, I carried years of other peoples brokenness too because they needed someone to be  there for them and I would never take that back, they are the most beautiful soulful people ever, and I will cherish them.It has been beautiful to see them grow and know I have been a part of their journey,

I refused to ask nothing from these folks only to believe in themselves and where they wanted to be, and to see them flourish was my goal….And how they soared and me so proud.

I found however, each time as heart warming as this was, I knew at some point they would move on or I would have to move on and this has honestly been a lonely journey. As good as a friend they may have become they could not take away what was at my core, and that was fine, I knew this was my journey.

And now I sit and listen to this song on repeat “as time stands still” and it feels like I have come to a time in my life of battle battle battle and finally scarred, bitten, broken feeling, I lift my head… and say to my myself ..”I survived.…..I survived…. but now it is time to stop just existing but to live.. and this means letting go.. not just a bit,, but all…. ALL OF IT!

In this moment, this paused moment, I do not have to be strong, I do not have to be some one else’s light, I do not have to be that father, that son, that husband, that colleague, that guru, that happy go lucky person, that annoying person, the person who fails, the person who does not measure up, that person who is never good enough…

*****Here I am in my utter rawness******

This person stands and tries to lift me up…. As I am unable to stand instead they kneel beside me

kneeling beside someone
I am with you

I look up and see who it is who is there… and it is me… only a different version, it is hard to explain, but they whisper…. “I have been waiting a long time for you, I do not believe we have met properly but I have been there, you know that right?”

I nod.

“come!” he says… “It is time!”

“Time for what? “ I ask

“you will see, this is your time…………………………………………………………….”

I get up leaving all my baggage. I do not need that for where I am going. I am now free.

I am free!

It has taken a long time to get here!

As I look around behind me, those who I have helped both dead and alive are standing together ushering me on…… and together they say…..

“This is your time… thank you for helping us, but it is now time to help yourself… and guess what, if ever you need us.. we are still here, we got your back..but go now… its time to go now………”

and it reminds me from the last scene of  one of my favourite films “Labyrinth.

“should you need us.”

Thank you everyone, and thank you for reading this!

GOURANGA! (BE HAPPY)

If you have been affected by this post or can relate and want to chat about things or need someone to listen. Please do not hesitate to get in touch.

Steven Alexander,

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

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