10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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“know your worth – you have value”

Just do it….

Metamorphosis.

Just do it….

Welcome on in,

A Few years back I took my daughter to swimming lessons. At the mere age of two or younger she was introduced to the concept of “jumping in.” can you imagine because I can’t what that small person was thinking at this command.. “jump what’s that.. This is a new concept.” scared! They may not verbalise it but perhaps there was fear. No way of knowing how deep the water was, who would catch me, what if I do I it wrong… The mind wanders.. But still expectant parents look at their miniature selves with that expectation of you can do it, just do it, I’ve got you. Arms open wide they cheer the youngster on, and low and behold the child falls and the parent catches them.

Now, I’m a little older than that, and I’m hearing that “just do it” voice with my latest ventures yet I’m prevented by the same fears of that small child, why is this?

It seems almost irrational, yet I hold myself back.

With this in mind, I’m declaring next week as a week of “just doing it.” so that book I’ve been meaning to write I will start, the latest hair brained idea to make money or save money I will do, those actions I have been putting off will be actioned.

If I am honest this fear of failure has probably held me back for years, the feeling of not being good enough, not exceeding expectations. If I say I’m doing it, people think I’m full of hot air or laugh at my idea or dream, so I never do them, if I don’t do them then I prove them right, if I do it and fail, I prove them right, if I succeed it will still be not good enough.

Well I declare enough is enough.. If I fail at least I’ve tried, if I succeed it will be by my own merits (and maybe some encouragement) but I no longer want to be ruled by low self esteem or feelings of failure.

My dreams may differ from others but doesn’t make them any less valuable so I am learning about this word value and valuing myself.

Maybe you are a dreamer or been putting off something, or scared of that thing that’s been maybe nudging you to do.. Let me encourage you, if me and all my issues can do this so can you.

Need help support or encouragement? Let me know I’d be happy to help.

Peace and love folks.

Steven Alexander

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Taking time out is Time well spent

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