Feel like you are not getting any where despite how hard you try?

Feel like you are on your own, and no one listens or cares?

If either of the above is true, then lean in, come in closer, because this page, this page right here, is just for you.

Some times in life we can lose our way. There is no shame nor judgement in that and it can take the smallest of things , not just the big things to knock us off track, so how do we get back on?

is the path you are on the right one for you?

This seems rather a personal question but what it does, is gets you to think about what that means, and how this can help you.

Who are you living for? Who are you pleasing or trying to please?

Some times we live our life trying to please others and that is amazing, it is honorable but is it YOU, and do we achieve in pleasing them and does it make you happy?

If you are happy then feel free to not read further, but if you are thinking and have more questions then please stay with me.

WE ALL HAVE OUR BREAKDOWNS AND CRY MOMENTS.

You are not on your own if you do. It is human, it is natural and it is your bodys’ self defence mechanism trying to cope with what is going on.

Our minds, our hearts can only take so much! They need space to process, to think through to strategise what is next, and how to move on.

For those of who have heard of or study “Mbraining or Multiple Brain Integration Techniques MBIT for short ) we recognise that we have multiple brains that are capable of thinking.

The most common of these are the heart, the brain and the gut, although there are more.

So to give an example…..(just an example)

You might be feeling upset – heart

You need cheering up to find balance again – Mind

Gut – chocolate is the answer

Of course there may be deeper work that may need to happen but in that moment as a short fix as a band aid/plaster

“yes, chocolate gives off chemicals that makes us feel happy” – the brain – I agree to that solution.

“yes, chocolate is my comfort food and I do feel happier and I want to feel happier” – heart

“yes let’s do it” – gut

So in this scenario we say that they are all in agreement and we call this alignment.

How does this apply to my problem

Great question!

What you are going through right now, may need a quick temporary fix to get you through but may also need some deeper work.. for example if I have a puncture, I may get a puncture repair kit which will work for so long but at some point I may need to replace the tyre.

Do you want a quick fix or do you want more extensive work?

Sometimes we get lost, stuck lose our purpose, do not have a purpose, lose our identity or lose perspective, and we need help restoring those things. Sometimes when we live for others or please others we lose ourselves.

some simple top tips

  • Acknowledge the moment – look back at where you have come from to where you are now. Ask yourself : Have you grown mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
  • Assess – what is not working right now, do you need help, do you have the knowledge, experience, skills to move forward, if not who has?
  • Ask and receive help – maybe you have helped others and now you need to allow others to help you . This is not a time for pride, independence or ego, this is not that time.
  • re allign.. – perhaps you came off course. Time to re adjust or head on a new setting or new journey.

If this has helped or resonates, please like share comment, or if you want help, please do get in touch to see if I can help further.

Thank you for reading .

Steven Alexander

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How a 4am stomach ache turned out to be an amazing morning!

Hi, Thank you for visiting me.

welcome
welcome to my home

Have you ever had one of those major stomach aches that just get you up in the night, or you have to go on the bladder run in the early hours – and then you just cannot go back to sleep?

welcome to kitchen talk – I am sat with coffee at silly o clock watching the world go by and thinking those random thoughts you think when just absent in mind and far away, have you ever done that?

Last night the phrase “lost in awesome abandonment” just popped in my head, and a real sense of “wow, life is good” There I was just stocking my fridge, my freezer, my fruit bowl .. well .. look at this…

Are you a fruity person?

Life has not always been like this, far from it. In the last few years I had dealt with child abuse which my mind had locked away, I had been homeless, in debt, yet here I now was over looking the sea in my apartment, with food, good friends online supporting me with website work, being my business champions, giving me love, I was re united with an old college friend and for once I felt life was good.

life is our teacher

Life does have a habit of teaching us many things whether we have ears to listen or a heart that is open, but in truth we can be so full of hurt or anger that we can often miss the tiny things that life is teaching us .

So for example – being homeless – some peoples biggest fear… was once mine, and not something I would choose or wish on anyone, however the skills you learn are huge

Survival Think fast/act fast – because if you do not it could be a matter of life and death

Resourcefulness You learn quickly what resources you need, where and how to get them

Networking – linked with above, this is the who.. make friends, make contacts, get doors open

Gratitude – it is easy to have the mentality of “i want, i need” and victim mentality of “i deserve, the world owes me” but let me tell you, this will not get you far, so instead if you can master gratitude you notice how things change.

Lessons from Gratitude

Attract more what you love and desire rather than what you do not.

Helping others through our stories

Why share all this, you may ask?

I often get asked… why do you share stories about you, surely isn’t that egotistical?

I share because…

people relate – and when we relate to others we form deeper connections

People like people who are like them – shared or similar experiences attracts similar folk

By sharing our stories we help to heal ourselves and others

If a stranger, friend or family tried to tell you what you could and could not do in your own home – how would you feel? – This is my home, my heart, my sweat and tears and I invite people into my home and my heart.

Offer of help:

If you need to talk about your story, or something you have been affected by, get in touch in private – Let’s chat … click here, and I look forward to hearing from you.

www.stevenalexandersimmonds.com

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What is at your core?

Welcome, I’m Steve Alexander,

photo of steve sitting near a window holding a cup of coffee peering out. thinking about core feelings and emotions
core of life

What is at your core? Are you looking for change in your life. Same patterns? Same old? feeling broken? and need fixing or just need someone to listen?

I have been exploring values a lot these last few weeks especially core values. I have been discovering, re-discovering my own. The intention is that I can lead a better life, but also to help others.

Many talk about wanting to live a better life, lead a better life have more control, direction.

Folk I talk to, share, they feel like, they have no purpose, no direction. There is a feel in their inner core of “lost”.

The search for answers.

I hear what people say and can resonate, but the true answers come not from me, but from within themselves.

My job, is to listen, and listen more. In that place of listening, I can hear more than just peoples words. I can hear heartbeat, life rhythm, soul talking, body talking and they tell me more than they are aware.

When we are still and quiet, we can hear ourselves. The problem so many of us have, is that our life is so chaotic and full of demands.

Many of us will put others first. Time to ourselves is a luxury. Many of us, want to switch off from life, escape ( however we do that)

Then we do the same again and again. “Same old…different day.”

Anchors and strong holds

It is through connecting and talking I can pick up on anchors that are weighing people down. I hear those core messages in their life which hold them back.

In life, we often hold on to these messages. Even though we think they are hidden, they can seriously affect our heart soul and mind like strong holds.

Some do not realise these messages lie like vultures eating away at us and feeding on rotten scraps.

Messages may come in the form of “feeling not good enough” “not worthy” “worth less” “unlovable” “stupid.”

A whole host of many more that you yourself could list.

What comes out of people, is due to these core deep roots. Some people hurt others because they are hurt, and others love because they know what it is to be hurt.

The good news is that you do not have to defined by these, nor do you have to carry these wounds and baggage. how good would it feel to be free of these?

Patterns of behavior

It can be so easy to repeat patterns in life because they are what we know, or the way we have always done them or we know no other way.

That does not mean to say that has to continue!

In school, or when we grew up, we had to learn things in a certain way. Some found this controlling in some ways giving little room for freedom of thought and expression.

As people get older, they get presented with options. Many do not get those options, and a certain way of life is forced upon them.

In society, many will continue a way of life just “because that is the way it is.”

It is possible that they do not have any reason to change and so they do not. I notice, that those who want to change often do not have the support around them and struggle.

change

Do you struggle with change?

It is easy to moan that we want change to happen yet expect it to work like magic. Truthfully something needs to happen in order to make that change happen.

What is it that makes change so difficult? – perhaps it is not knowing what the future may be, perhaps it fear?

If there was a leak in the house or the car broke we would get them fixed.

When it comes to our own mental health and well being, many of us are reluctant to get help!

A lesson from X men

A quote I heard in an x men film was a conversation between professor xsavior and a young Jean Grey.

“You do not need fixing because you are not broken”

Sometimes it feels like we are , when the reality is, we are hurting.

If you need to talk about anything I have covered today in this post, please do get in touch. Let me know your thoughts, experiences, your story.

Thank you for reading.

Please feel free to like share comment or get in touch.

Steven Alexander.

Read more of my blogs

About me – the real inside scoop and first blog

Planning and stress reduction.

10 ways to deal with your fears

Your body – Your business

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Planning and Stress Reduction.

Planning – Are you a planner? plan your days, your life?

Do you value and respect your time? and What is your time worth?

When you think of the word “planning” what comes to mind?

How would you scale your planning skills out of 10? 0 being not good to 10 pro.

Lots of questions but can you answer them?

I would say I am a 5 or 6. however realistically I am about a 2 still on occasion.

Would being better at planning help you or make no difference?

For me, planning was a word that filled me with dread, and to an extent it still does!

When I think about planning I think future, overwhelm, restrictive, stress, anxiety.

If I am honest, not the most positive emotions come to mind – however this is changing…….. and I will share why!

Planning can reduce stress and anxiety

To some degree, many of us can relate to stress and anxiety whether it is our own, or being on the receiving end of others.

At times I can have awful stress and anxiety, and I thought this was something, I just had to live with.

I notice that many others suffer the same as me, so in a sense this became “normal” and I accepted this.

If like me, you feel that life is chaotic and you feel like you don’t know if you are coming or going and it feels like you have not done anything, yet you feel so exhausted, then you have come to the right place and this post is for you.

If maybe you are an expert at planning, then please do feel free to leave any tips or hacks that could help others out.

Planning to change? – Change is possible!

One day, I decided to talk to myself as I often did, and started to ask myself what was causing me stress and anxiety. I wrote down a long list. My lack of planning and not knowing where my time had gone was causing me huge stress.

I wondered if this was something I could change, and if so how?

It was time to get to work.

planning- top tips Image

i) Change Mindset ii) Learn iii) Action

First of all challenge your thinking around planning and what this means to you. Learn to either replace the negative emotions around it or over ride them.

  • I knew that I no longer wanted to feel the way I did. (change emotions and thoughts)
  • I knew that better planning would benefit me and my relationships with others (realise the benefits)
  • I knew that I had no idea about planning and I had to learn and seek help. (Know your limits)
  • Action the changes and the learning.

Distractions and Procrastination.

Action and Procrastination

Recognise and admit it is easy to get distracted.

If like me, you find distractions are more fun.

Procrastination is the habit of talking about stuff you want to do or intend to do.

Do these benefit you?

Do these help you to get done what you need to? if yes then that it is fine and good but if not, be mindful when you doing these try to re focus.

Learn to be strict on yourself. and remind yourself why you are doing it.

Next

Steps.

If you think you need help and want support with planning and get in touch

If you are an expert at planning and have something to offer to help others. – drop me a line or I can link to your services

Have other types of stress and anxiety and need to chat – get in touch see if I can help – free consultations available. .

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

Find out more about me and what I have to offer

10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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