What is at your core?

Welcome, I’m Steve Alexander,

photo of steve sitting near a window holding a cup of coffee peering out. thinking about core feelings and emotions
core of life

What is at your core? Are you looking for change in your life. Same patterns? Same old? feeling broken? and need fixing or just need someone to listen?

I have been exploring values a lot these last few weeks especially core values. I have been discovering, re-discovering my own. The intention is that I can lead a better life, but also to help others.

Many talk about wanting to live a better life, lead a better life have more control, direction.

Folk I talk to, share, they feel like, they have no purpose, no direction. There is a feel in their inner core of “lost”.

The search for answers.

I hear what people say and can resonate, but the true answers come not from me, but from within themselves.

My job, is to listen, and listen more. In that place of listening, I can hear more than just peoples words. I can hear heartbeat, life rhythm, soul talking, body talking and they tell me more than they are aware.

When we are still and quiet, we can hear ourselves. The problem so many of us have, is that our life is so chaotic and full of demands.

Many of us will put others first. Time to ourselves is a luxury. Many of us, want to switch off from life, escape ( however we do that)

Then we do the same again and again. “Same old…different day.”

Anchors and strong holds

It is through connecting and talking I can pick up on anchors that are weighing people down. I hear those core messages in their life which hold them back.

In life, we often hold on to these messages. Even though we think they are hidden, they can seriously affect our heart soul and mind like strong holds.

Some do not realise these messages lie like vultures eating away at us and feeding on rotten scraps.

Messages may come in the form of “feeling not good enough” “not worthy” “worth less” “unlovable” “stupid.”

A whole host of many more that you yourself could list.

What comes out of people, is due to these core deep roots. Some people hurt others because they are hurt, and others love because they know what it is to be hurt.

The good news is that you do not have to defined by these, nor do you have to carry these wounds and baggage. how good would it feel to be free of these?

Patterns of behavior

It can be so easy to repeat patterns in life because they are what we know, or the way we have always done them or we know no other way.

That does not mean to say that has to continue!

In school, or when we grew up, we had to learn things in a certain way. Some found this controlling in some ways giving little room for freedom of thought and expression.

As people get older, they get presented with options. Many do not get those options, and a certain way of life is forced upon them.

In society, many will continue a way of life just “because that is the way it is.”

It is possible that they do not have any reason to change and so they do not. I notice, that those who want to change often do not have the support around them and struggle.

change

Do you struggle with change?

It is easy to moan that we want change to happen yet expect it to work like magic. Truthfully something needs to happen in order to make that change happen.

What is it that makes change so difficult? – perhaps it is not knowing what the future may be, perhaps it fear?

If there was a leak in the house or the car broke we would get them fixed.

When it comes to our own mental health and well being, many of us are reluctant to get help!

A lesson from X men

A quote I heard in an x men film was a conversation between professor xsavior and a young Jean Grey.

“You do not need fixing because you are not broken”

Sometimes it feels like we are , when the reality is, we are hurting.

If you need to talk about anything I have covered today in this post, please do get in touch. Let me know your thoughts, experiences, your story.

Thank you for reading.

Please feel free to like share comment or get in touch.

Steven Alexander.

Read more of my blogs

About me – the real inside scoop and first blog

Planning and stress reduction.

10 ways to deal with your fears

Your body – Your business

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Planning and Stress Reduction.

Planning – Are you a planner? plan your days, your life?

Do you value and respect your time? and What is your time worth?

When you think of the word “planning” what comes to mind?

How would you scale your planning skills out of 10? 0 being not good to 10 pro.

Lots of questions but can you answer them?

I would say I am a 5 or 6. however realistically I am about a 2 still on occasion.

Would being better at planning help you or make no difference?

For me, planning was a word that filled me with dread, and to an extent it still does!

When I think about planning I think future, overwhelm, restrictive, stress, anxiety.

If I am honest, not the most positive emotions come to mind – however this is changing…….. and I will share why!

Planning can reduce stress and anxiety

To some degree, many of us can relate to stress and anxiety whether it is our own, or being on the receiving end of others.

At times I can have awful stress and anxiety, and I thought this was something, I just had to live with.

I notice that many others suffer the same as me, so in a sense this became “normal” and I accepted this.

If like me, you feel that life is chaotic and you feel like you don’t know if you are coming or going and it feels like you have not done anything, yet you feel so exhausted, then you have come to the right place and this post is for you.

If maybe you are an expert at planning, then please do feel free to leave any tips or hacks that could help others out.

Planning to change? – Change is possible!

One day, I decided to talk to myself as I often did, and started to ask myself what was causing me stress and anxiety. I wrote down a long list. My lack of planning and not knowing where my time had gone was causing me huge stress.

I wondered if this was something I could change, and if so how?

It was time to get to work.

planning- top tips Image

i) Change Mindset ii) Learn iii) Action

First of all challenge your thinking around planning and what this means to you. Learn to either replace the negative emotions around it or over ride them.

  • I knew that I no longer wanted to feel the way I did. (change emotions and thoughts)
  • I knew that better planning would benefit me and my relationships with others (realise the benefits)
  • I knew that I had no idea about planning and I had to learn and seek help. (Know your limits)
  • Action the changes and the learning.

Distractions and Procrastination.

Action and Procrastination

Recognise and admit it is easy to get distracted.

If like me, you find distractions are more fun.

Procrastination is the habit of talking about stuff you want to do or intend to do.

Do these benefit you?

Do these help you to get done what you need to? if yes then that it is fine and good but if not, be mindful when you doing these try to re focus.

Learn to be strict on yourself. and remind yourself why you are doing it.

Next

Steps.

If you think you need help and want support with planning and get in touch

If you are an expert at planning and have something to offer to help others. – drop me a line or I can link to your services

Have other types of stress and anxiety and need to chat – get in touch see if I can help – free consultations available. .

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

Find out more about me and what I have to offer

Befaffled

welcome

Today instead of my normal blog I wrote a poem. A poem because to contain what I am feeling, I think I would explode or implode.

Not meant for anyone specifically and ironically this may offend and some may feel disrespected.

This poem is born out of the frustration of the world seeking so much, you lose yourself to a point where you despise yourself and others wonder why!

It is a reflection perhaps on the confusion that people feel about themselves of which, I am just as guilty.

The main difference is, I may not be unique in what I say, in the parts that others say but I will see beyond what you project because I see the hidden.

My poem. Some may relate to it.

“Which “me” do you want “me” to be!

Today I was asked not to be “me” because you said “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”

“You are not alone in not liking a part of “me” for others also, do not like other parts of “me” – which I then try to modify so I am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”

I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”

Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”

only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you! “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”

“You are not alone in not liking a part of “me” for others also do not like other parts of “me” which I then try to modify so i am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”

I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”

Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”

only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you

My personal reflection:

I reflect on this and discover I am guilty of this, perhaps I try and change others to how it suits me. I am changing this and I am constantly trying to change this.

How do we change without losing ourselves any further than we already have?

The irony is even the “found” (I have found) are not as “found” as they would like to believe or project on to others.

The befafflement of life.

Thanks for reading,

propic (2)

Steven Alexander

“Aim High, Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

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