Feel like you are not getting any where despite how hard you try?

Feel like you are on your own, and no one listens or cares?

If either of the above is true, then lean in, come in closer, because this page, this page right here, is just for you.

Some times in life we can lose our way. There is no shame nor judgement in that and it can take the smallest of things , not just the big things to knock us off track, so how do we get back on?

is the path you are on the right one for you?

This seems rather a personal question but what it does, is gets you to think about what that means, and how this can help you.

Who are you living for? Who are you pleasing or trying to please?

Some times we live our life trying to please others and that is amazing, it is honorable but is it YOU, and do we achieve in pleasing them and does it make you happy?

If you are happy then feel free to not read further, but if you are thinking and have more questions then please stay with me.

WE ALL HAVE OUR BREAKDOWNS AND CRY MOMENTS.

You are not on your own if you do. It is human, it is natural and it is your bodys’ self defence mechanism trying to cope with what is going on.

Our minds, our hearts can only take so much! They need space to process, to think through to strategise what is next, and how to move on.

For those of who have heard of or study “Mbraining or Multiple Brain Integration Techniques MBIT for short ) we recognise that we have multiple brains that are capable of thinking.

The most common of these are the heart, the brain and the gut, although there are more.

So to give an example…..(just an example)

You might be feeling upset – heart

You need cheering up to find balance again – Mind

Gut – chocolate is the answer

Of course there may be deeper work that may need to happen but in that moment as a short fix as a band aid/plaster

“yes, chocolate gives off chemicals that makes us feel happy” – the brain – I agree to that solution.

“yes, chocolate is my comfort food and I do feel happier and I want to feel happier” – heart

“yes let’s do it” – gut

So in this scenario we say that they are all in agreement and we call this alignment.

How does this apply to my problem

Great question!

What you are going through right now, may need a quick temporary fix to get you through but may also need some deeper work.. for example if I have a puncture, I may get a puncture repair kit which will work for so long but at some point I may need to replace the tyre.

Do you want a quick fix or do you want more extensive work?

Sometimes we get lost, stuck lose our purpose, do not have a purpose, lose our identity or lose perspective, and we need help restoring those things. Sometimes when we live for others or please others we lose ourselves.

some simple top tips

  • Acknowledge the moment – look back at where you have come from to where you are now. Ask yourself : Have you grown mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
  • Assess – what is not working right now, do you need help, do you have the knowledge, experience, skills to move forward, if not who has?
  • Ask and receive help – maybe you have helped others and now you need to allow others to help you . This is not a time for pride, independence or ego, this is not that time.
  • re allign.. – perhaps you came off course. Time to re adjust or head on a new setting or new journey.

If this has helped or resonates, please like share comment, or if you want help, please do get in touch to see if I can help further.

Thank you for reading .

Steven Alexander

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Planning and Stress Reduction.

Planning – Are you a planner? plan your days, your life?

Do you value and respect your time? and What is your time worth?

When you think of the word “planning” what comes to mind?

How would you scale your planning skills out of 10? 0 being not good to 10 pro.

Lots of questions but can you answer them?

I would say I am a 5 or 6. however realistically I am about a 2 still on occasion.

Would being better at planning help you or make no difference?

For me, planning was a word that filled me with dread, and to an extent it still does!

When I think about planning I think future, overwhelm, restrictive, stress, anxiety.

If I am honest, not the most positive emotions come to mind – however this is changing…….. and I will share why!

Planning can reduce stress and anxiety

To some degree, many of us can relate to stress and anxiety whether it is our own, or being on the receiving end of others.

At times I can have awful stress and anxiety, and I thought this was something, I just had to live with.

I notice that many others suffer the same as me, so in a sense this became “normal” and I accepted this.

If like me, you feel that life is chaotic and you feel like you don’t know if you are coming or going and it feels like you have not done anything, yet you feel so exhausted, then you have come to the right place and this post is for you.

If maybe you are an expert at planning, then please do feel free to leave any tips or hacks that could help others out.

Planning to change? – Change is possible!

One day, I decided to talk to myself as I often did, and started to ask myself what was causing me stress and anxiety. I wrote down a long list. My lack of planning and not knowing where my time had gone was causing me huge stress.

I wondered if this was something I could change, and if so how?

It was time to get to work.

planning- top tips Image

i) Change Mindset ii) Learn iii) Action

First of all challenge your thinking around planning and what this means to you. Learn to either replace the negative emotions around it or over ride them.

  • I knew that I no longer wanted to feel the way I did. (change emotions and thoughts)
  • I knew that better planning would benefit me and my relationships with others (realise the benefits)
  • I knew that I had no idea about planning and I had to learn and seek help. (Know your limits)
  • Action the changes and the learning.

Distractions and Procrastination.

Action and Procrastination

Recognise and admit it is easy to get distracted.

If like me, you find distractions are more fun.

Procrastination is the habit of talking about stuff you want to do or intend to do.

Do these benefit you?

Do these help you to get done what you need to? if yes then that it is fine and good but if not, be mindful when you doing these try to re focus.

Learn to be strict on yourself. and remind yourself why you are doing it.

Next

Steps.

If you think you need help and want support with planning and get in touch

If you are an expert at planning and have something to offer to help others. – drop me a line or I can link to your services

Have other types of stress and anxiety and need to chat – get in touch see if I can help – free consultations available. .

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

Find out more about me and what I have to offer

“Your Body is Your Business”


What relationship do you have with your body?

Welcome,

I am Steven Alexander, writer, blogger, parent, healthcare support worker. Welcome to my blog!

The above question seems a strange and personal question to ask, but so many of us have huge self body issues which really affects how we feel and how we think, and affects our self esteem. This is not just females this affects it is males too, and actually, realistically non gender specific.

Do you compare yourself to other people and wish you had their looks, their physique, do they get the good comments and attention and you get…….not the same?

Truthfully, we never really know what is going on in someone elses life, and how someone else might be feeling, because even those that we may consider attractive to them… they could have just as big issues as us all!

The mirror Image

ikea mirror
mirror mirror on the wall

As I stand infront of the mirror I am one of those people who try and avoid it.

As I look, it is easy for me to find fault with myself, and hear those voices from past about what I look like, and it acts to re-inforce how I feel about my body and also myself. Isn’t it amazing how many of us remember and hold on to the negatives!

Perhaps you too, are one of those people that wish they could change so much about themselves but see it as a pipe dream, as un realistic maybe, maybe you tried those diets or many of them and they just did not work for you and now you have given up…. if this is you, I hear you, I understand.

It is your body – who cares?

If you are hating yourself or dislike yourself or worse because of how you look like and you feel like no one cares how you feel, and maybe you have given up caring I want you to know I care and if you need to talk I am here, get in touch

Why do I care? what do I know about body issues?

As some one who has had low self esteem for as long as I can remember, I know what this feels like , for me at least, the self hating, and how deep that can affect the mind and the heart. As some one with big ears, bad skin, obese, unkept teeth, skin tags… my list goes on and on.

As a self harmer, my body was the one thing in my life I felt I had control over so when I was in a bad way I would not take care of myself as maybe those in a good mental state would do as normal.

Some people might just see the outside and make comments about size or smells as yes my hygine was not as good as it should have been because I did not value myself or have self worth, but of course no one knows the inner you and may just see some one as “having issues” “acts wierd” “self obessesed” what ever coping strategies we may use to compensate what we feel inside.

But it does not have to be this way! – I say again it does not have to be this way.

IF THIS IS YOU, AND YOU CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THE ABOVE – STOP!!!!!

support available for low self esteem.

In the past I always put others first and when it came to myself it was like I did not matter.

I became tired, exhausted , used, misunderstood and as I looked after others needs more and more, my own just fell away. One day I just said to myself enough was enough and I was going to end it all one way or another.

I started on a journey of self development helping myself to be better and I began to seek help and support. I realised that by bettering myself I could help more people.

What the right support can achieve

Increase Confidence.

Gain Respect

People asking for your help.

Begin to look after yourself,

No longer listen to, or hang around toxic people.

Stress and anxiety levels drop.

Feelings of depression lowered.

Are you looking to improve your life? – Let me help!

Thank you for reading!

If you would like to share youir experiences or have been affected by this post then please get in touch. I would love to hear from you. thank you for visiting and reading please do follow my blog or check out more on facebook

or join my facebook Select Community “Soul cafe” search for Piece of Mind – Soul Cafe Steven Alexander Motivation Mindset Coach Group

About me: Please click here to find out more about me.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS AND THANKS

A special thank you to my own network and friends including soul cafe tribe,”Tribal support” “Nourish” “mastermind” “samaritan University” mencap crew, Coach Hannah Lucy Galliers, Kain Ramsey – www.achology.com,

Jon Holder – Peak Perfomance Coach (your ultimate year) http://www.jonholder.co.uk

Flavia Powell hynotherapist, life coach and Happiness Engineer http://flaviapowell.co.uk

and a special thanks to an amazing guy,.the insperation of this post, who has inspired me to be consistant and just “start”, he is all about fitness diet, mindet, business, coach to entrepeneurs, the awesome Ollie Jordan Matthews http://www.revitalizeationblueprint.com

you-are-not-insignificant

10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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About me – Meet Kintsugi.

“know your worth – you have value”

Just do it….

Metamorphosis.

Overcome Insignificance.

many ways to welcome
A good welcome is like the best hug ever!

Hi and welcome to this blog today.

Question: Do you ever have  feelings of insignificance? how does it affect you and how do you combat this?

How do you “add value” to relationships or situations?

Are you searching for happiness?

Today I will be exploring these issues.

I write as often as I can but sometimes life just overwhelms me.

I cannot explain how or why it does, I just know its’ affects, and it can be really disabling. Sometimes the most simple things become really hard, and it is like I get a block and I can’t move on.

if tired stops/rest
time to pull over and rest

Some friends recently suggested I “stop” and “rest” but then I feel like I am doing nothing as it is, when actually if I look back over my day It has probably been far from nothing.

I am suffering a lot with insignificance at the moment, and I wish I could shake it!

I belong to a few groups on line and a video popped up of one it’s members talking about how members can add “value” to the group rather than just “take” from it.

A lot of the business and marketing videos and books  I am watching and reading is also talking about this theme of “adding value.” It is like I cannot escape from it.

A sense of irony.

I have been chatting to some one I know recently who is selling a house… I am in need of buying a house. I make inquiries and express an interest of sorts, as I wonder is this the right house for me as you would do. If you are investing in something you want to know it is something you want or can work with right!

The conversations over the next few days become strange. This person is then telling me in one breath how it would be a great house for me, and then not, as I cannot afford it, I should consider renting, there is a flat available this person knows or when they move out the place they are in. The reality is this person wants to get the highest value for their house, understandably so and knows I will want to offer a lower than market offer as others have done, only I am not it in it to flip or make profit, I just need a “home”

We chat about what I am currently getting for my money (see again value) and how if I want anything decent I have to pay a lot of money for it but I would have to give up things such as “WiFi” in order to afford what I want. As some one who spends a lot of time on line whether its supporting someone or research or earning money or writing, and is indeed a way of life, WiFi is not a luxury item ,I see it as a necessity valuing it more than food and drink itself – I digress.

Just because I am savvy does not mean I cannot afford things, and this person has no idea of my finances but makes presumptions anyway and begins to tell me what I need to do. I then think what value is this conversation bringing to me or is it having the opposite effect?

Just recently this phrase “what you need to do” has become quite the bug bear for me. I am sure it may come from a well meaning place, but does that person really know my needs.. have they asked me? I am more than happy to have a dialogue about this if they care that much about my needs. I am a rational guy, I can listen to wisdom……..

As a reflective person, I think to myself do I say similar things to others without realising?

Does what I say hurt others and would they tell me if it did? I hope they would and especially with friends as we are all on journeys and we don’t get stuff right. Am I adding value to this friendship?

Often in friendships, friends encourage us to be honest and truthful and be open as good relationships should be, but yet I find even this approach offends, so I learn to back off and distance and then I cannot offend.  Perhaps this is counter productive, I do not know. I then begin to think what kind of friend am I actually and this makes me sad. I had to research what makes a good friend. 

a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face
friends are better than gold

ARE-YOU-A-GOOD-FRIEND?

How to Be a Good Friend
  1. Make sure they’re okay the moment you sense something wrong. …
  2. Know when to be serious and when to be goofy. …
  3. Go the extra mile when they ask for help. …
  4. Don’t give up on them during their darkest hours. …
  5. Make them feel wanted. …
  6. Tell them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)

There is much more of course but now I think I fail at being a friend too sometimes!

 

If you do not know something.. do not be afraid to ask and research (seek and you will find)

I realise if I feel I can add value to life or to relationships then maybe I will no longer feel inadequate,perhaps if I can think less of what I am going through and think more of them, but then sometimes I am that busy trying to make others happy I never find time for myself.

If you relate to what I am saying then check out this link. how to add value to relationships

That will bring a page of suggestions up, but I look at the how to make yourself better page which suggests 6 things to try.

  1. Better ourselves.
  2. Help our partner (friends) become better.
  3. Do something to build trust.
  4. Do something to build investment.
  5. Do something to make our partner (friends) happy.
  6. Conquer an obstacle

As I looked more on this particular site, I found a page about happiness and seeking happiness.. I wondered if this too had any nugget of wisdom to add to my post of value and inadequacy and of course it did.

If like me you  are on a search of happiness which seems to be my life mission, and I have not found the secret yet… my eyes were drawn to this one sentence.

How-to-be-happy.

“until I can learn to be happy right now…until I can be totally content and pleased with who I am right NOW, what I have NOW, the people I have in my life NOW, and the financial situation I am experiencing NOW, I will NEVER be truly happy.”

Check it out here

There is always something I want but do not have. Sometimes I never truly appreciate what I have.

This week I am having a “gratitude week” being thankful for all of those in my life, who have added value to me and I hope I have added something to theirs.

Thank you for stopping by.

If you would like to chat about any of the things I have bought up today, that maybe you  are going through too.. please do not hesitate to get in touch.

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HAVE A GOOD DAY FOLKS – ABUNDANT BLESSINGS THIS DAY.

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High, Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds

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