Feel like you are not getting any where despite how hard you try?

Feel like you are on your own, and no one listens or cares?

If either of the above is true, then lean in, come in closer, because this page, this page right here, is just for you.

Some times in life we can lose our way. There is no shame nor judgement in that and it can take the smallest of things , not just the big things to knock us off track, so how do we get back on?

is the path you are on the right one for you?

This seems rather a personal question but what it does, is gets you to think about what that means, and how this can help you.

Who are you living for? Who are you pleasing or trying to please?

Some times we live our life trying to please others and that is amazing, it is honorable but is it YOU, and do we achieve in pleasing them and does it make you happy?

If you are happy then feel free to not read further, but if you are thinking and have more questions then please stay with me.

WE ALL HAVE OUR BREAKDOWNS AND CRY MOMENTS.

You are not on your own if you do. It is human, it is natural and it is your bodys’ self defence mechanism trying to cope with what is going on.

Our minds, our hearts can only take so much! They need space to process, to think through to strategise what is next, and how to move on.

For those of who have heard of or study “Mbraining or Multiple Brain Integration Techniques MBIT for short ) we recognise that we have multiple brains that are capable of thinking.

The most common of these are the heart, the brain and the gut, although there are more.

So to give an example…..(just an example)

You might be feeling upset – heart

You need cheering up to find balance again – Mind

Gut – chocolate is the answer

Of course there may be deeper work that may need to happen but in that moment as a short fix as a band aid/plaster

“yes, chocolate gives off chemicals that makes us feel happy” – the brain – I agree to that solution.

“yes, chocolate is my comfort food and I do feel happier and I want to feel happier” – heart

“yes let’s do it” – gut

So in this scenario we say that they are all in agreement and we call this alignment.

How does this apply to my problem

Great question!

What you are going through right now, may need a quick temporary fix to get you through but may also need some deeper work.. for example if I have a puncture, I may get a puncture repair kit which will work for so long but at some point I may need to replace the tyre.

Do you want a quick fix or do you want more extensive work?

Sometimes we get lost, stuck lose our purpose, do not have a purpose, lose our identity or lose perspective, and we need help restoring those things. Sometimes when we live for others or please others we lose ourselves.

some simple top tips

  • Acknowledge the moment – look back at where you have come from to where you are now. Ask yourself : Have you grown mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
  • Assess – what is not working right now, do you need help, do you have the knowledge, experience, skills to move forward, if not who has?
  • Ask and receive help – maybe you have helped others and now you need to allow others to help you . This is not a time for pride, independence or ego, this is not that time.
  • re allign.. – perhaps you came off course. Time to re adjust or head on a new setting or new journey.

If this has helped or resonates, please like share comment, or if you want help, please do get in touch to see if I can help further.

Thank you for reading .

Steven Alexander

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How a 4am stomach ache turned out to be an amazing morning!

Hi, Thank you for visiting me.

welcome
welcome to my home

Have you ever had one of those major stomach aches that just get you up in the night, or you have to go on the bladder run in the early hours – and then you just cannot go back to sleep?

welcome to kitchen talk – I am sat with coffee at silly o clock watching the world go by and thinking those random thoughts you think when just absent in mind and far away, have you ever done that?

Last night the phrase “lost in awesome abandonment” just popped in my head, and a real sense of “wow, life is good” There I was just stocking my fridge, my freezer, my fruit bowl .. well .. look at this…

Are you a fruity person?

Life has not always been like this, far from it. In the last few years I had dealt with child abuse which my mind had locked away, I had been homeless, in debt, yet here I now was over looking the sea in my apartment, with food, good friends online supporting me with website work, being my business champions, giving me love, I was re united with an old college friend and for once I felt life was good.

life is our teacher

Life does have a habit of teaching us many things whether we have ears to listen or a heart that is open, but in truth we can be so full of hurt or anger that we can often miss the tiny things that life is teaching us .

So for example – being homeless – some peoples biggest fear… was once mine, and not something I would choose or wish on anyone, however the skills you learn are huge

Survival Think fast/act fast – because if you do not it could be a matter of life and death

Resourcefulness You learn quickly what resources you need, where and how to get them

Networking – linked with above, this is the who.. make friends, make contacts, get doors open

Gratitude – it is easy to have the mentality of “i want, i need” and victim mentality of “i deserve, the world owes me” but let me tell you, this will not get you far, so instead if you can master gratitude you notice how things change.

Lessons from Gratitude

Attract more what you love and desire rather than what you do not.

Helping others through our stories

Why share all this, you may ask?

I often get asked… why do you share stories about you, surely isn’t that egotistical?

I share because…

people relate – and when we relate to others we form deeper connections

People like people who are like them – shared or similar experiences attracts similar folk

By sharing our stories we help to heal ourselves and others

If a stranger, friend or family tried to tell you what you could and could not do in your own home – how would you feel? – This is my home, my heart, my sweat and tears and I invite people into my home and my heart.

Offer of help:

If you need to talk about your story, or something you have been affected by, get in touch in private – Let’s chat … click here, and I look forward to hearing from you.

www.stevenalexandersimmonds.com

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10 ways to deal with your fears

photo of blog writer steven Alexander
Taking time out is Time well spent

Welcome.

“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma

I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”

Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.

Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.

Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?

One night I could  not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.

The 3 am Chat

So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”

I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?

Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.

  1. I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
  2. I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I  do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stop comparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
  3. Coaching –  it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story”  where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
  4. Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It was o.k, I was going to be o.k.

Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep. 

So what did I learn?

I learned a few things. I learned:

i)       Fear is only as controlling as I let it.

ii)      Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.

iii)   As a coach, counsellor  I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.

Further research

I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.

Dr. F. Emelia Sam  3 Reasons Why Fear Is Actually a Good Thing

NHS -Ten ways to fight your fears

If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.

Thank you for reading.

Steven Alexander.

“Aim High – Aim Higher” Alexander Simmonds 

Affordable Life Coaching- Support to deal with your fears

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“know your worth – you have value”

Just do it….

Metamorphosis.

Just do it….

Welcome on in,

A Few years back I took my daughter to swimming lessons. At the mere age of two or younger she was introduced to the concept of “jumping in.” can you imagine because I can’t what that small person was thinking at this command.. “jump what’s that.. This is a new concept.” scared! They may not verbalise it but perhaps there was fear. No way of knowing how deep the water was, who would catch me, what if I do I it wrong… The mind wanders.. But still expectant parents look at their miniature selves with that expectation of you can do it, just do it, I’ve got you. Arms open wide they cheer the youngster on, and low and behold the child falls and the parent catches them.

Now, I’m a little older than that, and I’m hearing that “just do it” voice with my latest ventures yet I’m prevented by the same fears of that small child, why is this?

It seems almost irrational, yet I hold myself back.

With this in mind, I’m declaring next week as a week of “just doing it.” so that book I’ve been meaning to write I will start, the latest hair brained idea to make money or save money I will do, those actions I have been putting off will be actioned.

If I am honest this fear of failure has probably held me back for years, the feeling of not being good enough, not exceeding expectations. If I say I’m doing it, people think I’m full of hot air or laugh at my idea or dream, so I never do them, if I don’t do them then I prove them right, if I do it and fail, I prove them right, if I succeed it will still be not good enough.

Well I declare enough is enough.. If I fail at least I’ve tried, if I succeed it will be by my own merits (and maybe some encouragement) but I no longer want to be ruled by low self esteem or feelings of failure.

My dreams may differ from others but doesn’t make them any less valuable so I am learning about this word value and valuing myself.

Maybe you are a dreamer or been putting off something, or scared of that thing that’s been maybe nudging you to do.. Let me encourage you, if me and all my issues can do this so can you.

Need help support or encouragement? Let me know I’d be happy to help.

Peace and love folks.

Steven Alexander

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Taking time out is Time well spent

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