Planning – Are you a planner? plan your days, your life?
Do you value and respect your time? and What is your time worth?
When you think of the word “planning” what comes to mind?
How would you scale your planning skills out of 10? 0 being not good to 10 pro.
Lots of questions but can you answer them?
I would say I am a 5 or 6. however realistically I am about a 2 still on occasion.
Would being better at planning help you or make no difference?
For me, planning was a word that filled me with dread, and to an extent it still does!
When I think about planning I think future, overwhelm, restrictive, stress, anxiety.
If I am honest, not the most positive emotions come to mind – however this is changing…….. and I will share why!
Planning can reduce stress and anxiety
To some degree, many of us can relate to stress and anxiety whether it is our own, or being on the receiving end of others.
At times I can have awful stress and anxiety, and I thought this was something, I just had to live with.
I notice that many others suffer the same as me, so in a sense this became “normal” and I accepted this.
If like me, you feel that life is chaotic and you feel like you don’t know if you are coming or going and it feels like you have not done anything, yet you feel so exhausted, then you have come to the right place and this post is for you.
If maybe you are an expert at planning, then please do feel free to leave any tips or hacks that could help others out.
Planning to change? – Change is possible!
One day, I decided to talk to myself as I often did, and started to ask myself what was causing me stress and anxiety. I wrote down a long list. My lack of planning and not knowing where my time had gone was causing me huge stress.
I wondered if this was something I could change, and if so how?
It was time to get to work.
i) Change Mindset ii) Learn iii) Action
First of all challenge your thinking around planning and what this means to you. Learn to either replace the negative emotions around it or over ride them.
I knew that I no longer wanted to feel the way I did. (change emotions and thoughts)
I knew that better planning would benefit me and my relationships with others (realise the benefits)
I knew that I had no idea about planning and I had to learn and seek help. (Know your limits)
Action the changes and the learning.
Distractions and Procrastination.
Recognise and admit it is easy to get distracted.
If like me, you find distractions are more fun.
Procrastination is the habit of talking about stuff you want to do or intend to do.
Do these benefit you?
Do these help you to get done what you need to? if yes then that it is fine and good but if not, be mindful when you doing these try to re focus.
Learn to be strict on yourself. and remind yourself why you are doing it.
If you think you need help and want support with planning andget in touch
I am Steven Alexander, writer, blogger, parent, healthcare support worker. Welcome to my blog!
The above question seems a strange and personal question to ask, but so many of us have huge self body issues which really affects how we feel and how we think, and affects our self esteem. This is not just females this affects it is males too, and actually, realistically non gender specific.
Do you compare yourself to other people and wish you had their looks, their physique, do they get the good comments and attention and you get…….not the same?
Truthfully, we never really know what is going on in someone elses life, and how someone else might be feeling, because even those that we may consider attractive to them… they could have just as big issues as us all!
The mirror Image
As I stand infront of the mirror I am one of those people who try and avoid it.
As I look, it is easy for me to find fault with myself, and hear those voices from past about what I look like, and it acts to re-inforce how I feel about my body and also myself. Isn’t it amazing how many of us remember and hold on to the negatives!
Perhaps you too, are one of those people that wish they could change so much about themselves but see it as a pipe dream, as un realistic maybe, maybe you tried those diets or many of them and they just did not work for you and now you have given up…. if this is you, I hear you, I understand.
It is your body – who cares?
If you are hating yourself or dislike yourself or worse because of how you look like and you feel like no one cares how you feel, and maybe you have given up caring I want you to know I care and if you need to talk I am here, get in touch
Why do I care? what do I know about body issues?
As some one who has had low self esteem for as long as I can remember, I know what this feels like , for me at least, the self hating, and how deep that can affect the mind and the heart. As some one with big ears, bad skin, obese, unkept teeth, skin tags… my list goes on and on.
As a self harmer, my body was the one thing in my life I felt I had control over so when I was in a bad way I would not take care of myself as maybe those in a good mental state would do as normal.
Some people might just see the outside and make comments about size or smells as yes my hygine was not as good as it should have been because I did not value myself or have self worth, but of course no one knows the inner you and may just see some one as “having issues” “acts wierd” “self obessesed” what ever coping strategies we may use to compensate what we feel inside.
But it does not have to be this way! – I say again it does not have to be this way.
IF THIS IS YOU, AND YOU CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THE ABOVE – STOP!!!!!
In the past I always put others first and when it came to myself it was like I did not matter.
I became tired, exhausted , used, misunderstood and as I looked after others needs more and more, my own just fell away. One day I just said to myself enough was enough and I was going to end it all one way or another.
I started on a journey of self development helping myself to be better and I began to seek help and support. I realised that by bettering myself I could help more people.
What the right support can achieve
People asking for your help.
Begin to look after yourself,
No longer listen to, or hang around toxic people.
Stress and anxiety levels drop.
Feelings of depression lowered.
Are you looking to improve your life? – Let me help!
Thank you for reading!
If you would like to share youir experiences or have been affected by this post then please get in touch. I would love to hear from you. thank you for visiting and reading please do follow my blog or check out more on facebook
or join my facebook Select Community “Soul cafe” search for Piece of Mind – Soul Cafe Steven Alexander Motivation Mindset Coach Group
A special thank you to my own network and friends including soul cafe tribe,”Tribal support” “Nourish” “mastermind” “samaritan University” mencap crew, Coach Hannah Lucy Galliers, Kain Ramsey – www.achology.com,
and a special thanks to an amazing guy,.the insperation of this post, who has inspired me to be consistant and just “start”, he is all about fitness diet, mindet, business, coach to entrepeneurs, the awesome Ollie Jordan Matthews http://www.revitalizeationblueprint.com
What makes a good friend, great friend or the best? Do you have a good friend or best friends, the sort you can tell anything to, be yourself with and share your inner most thoughts?
How could I write todays theme without reffering to this series which was and still is huge. It is of course as the title suggests “Friends”
If for any reason you have not seen this, it is about a group of best friends and their lives together, their ups downs, togethers, apart, laughter, tears, the coffee shop, the couch, the apartments and the characters which many of us could relate to.
The question at school when I was growing up in the play ground or in class was often which friends character are you?
I thought “Joey” was the best because “Joey does not share food” and I am not one for sharing food
.If you have never seen an episode I do fully reccomend it and I think it is the best and available here on “Amazon” or “Google”“Friends”
Good friend Great friend or The best
I wonder when you think of the word “Friend” what words pop up when you think of it……. I am guessing mostly positive and if I asked you to think of a certain good friend who has or does mean a lot you can probably picture them.. what memories come to mind?
If I look on” facebook” I wonder if that definition of “friend” would fit those say on “facebook” or other forms of social media or even people at work, do you class them as friends? would you class any family members as friends?
Strong Good, Great Best friendships?
For me this sums up where I am at with good friends because I believe you are who you attract around you – and that matters.
Who do you attract in your life and add to your good friends list and why?
There is a saying “iron sharpens iron” we attract like minded people…friends who motivate us and just know our mindset, because these are the type that love us for who we are BUT….. are all our friends good for us? This may sound a crazy question to ask and may sound harsh but is it?
Healthy Good friendships V toxic ones
Some friends can appear “well meaning” some can appear to “share” your joy when in reality they “seethe”… some may gossip about you, and some may even hurt you because we allow them to get close and they know us inside and out – have you ever experienced that? and some “friendships” are “toxic” meaning that actually, thay may not be the healthiest or the “best for us relationships”
I wonder if different friends come into our lives for different seasons and reasons like the kind that are are so special and amazing but then dissapear!
Have you ever had any of those and you wonder where those people are now!
Grateful for Good, Great and Best friends
I think goodfriends really do make us and shape us, and as my mom n dad would say, choose your friends well and the company you keep wisely.
Huge thank you to all my my good friends past present and future. I honour you and thank you from the bottom of my heart BECAUSE
Have you ever said to yourself “I want to be a winner/successful!” or maybe you just know you are a winner/successful, or maybe you think you are the opposite…. when it comes to life.. inside you feel a loser.” Does any of this sound familiar?
Thank you for dropping by. I am Steve Alexander, HUGE WELCOME. Whether a friend, visitor or both please do leave a message and say hi – I love connecting with people.
What makes a winner/successful person?
Have you ever heard the phrase “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose it is the taking part that counts.”
Has anyone ever said that to you? what are your thoughts? Agree/Disagree?
When I was younger these words gave me comfort when I lost at things until I began to get older. I found as I grew up I became quite used to losing.
At the time, this was hard and painful, and became just an accepted way of life for me, so I guess when it came to having to compete as I grew older, I either took a step back or did not bother as it was too much like hard work, or I did not want it enough, or I thought some one else was better than me anyway even before I tried.. and I if I was honest I probably made excuses why I could not be better.
At one point I think I even laughed at my label of being a loser, because if I accepted I was a loser it was never going to bother me if others thought that of me because I knew this anyway of myself. Does any of this sound familiar in your life or maybe you know others like this.
This year I promised myself I was going to get rid of this mentality, because truthfully was I, am I a loser….actually no!
Today I found an old pay slip from 2 years back….and it made me sad..yes I was glad I was in a job but I was barely making ends meet choosing to go part time so I could spend more time raising my kids, being there for them in there younger years and supporting at home with house hold chores and as much as I was able.
In some ways this was great, but financially this was a struggle and how others manage I do not know. I was getting fed up. I had to do something to turn life around!
I once asked my father how can I be there for my family and make a decent amount of money… he replied “you cannot have both…” I wondered if this was true and I wanted to prove that not only was this possible but could be done successfully. If I was to succeed I had tolearn to be a winner, think like a winner, live as if a winner.
HAVE A WINNER/SUCCESS MENTALITY.
I had to learn what it was to have this mentality –
Lack of knowledge/experience/training: what did I know about having a winners mentality.. last time I had won anything was when I was 5 when I won my race on sports day, and once about 10 when I won a swimming race..these moments felt good, and as I looked back on the moments and those feelings I wanted those feelings again.
Suddenly I can no longer say I do not have experience as I re live those moments…. I can …. I did….I won!
Perhaps when I think hard and deep enough there are other “moments” I have achieved or felt proud but somehow these have been forgotten and i need to draw these out.
Make a start.
At some stage I am guessing you too also won at something or achieved something – you too can use those moments to make a start on your journey.
Educate yourself – train yourself – So many of us have bad experiences of education or teachers and maybe feeling a failure or a loser and perhaps you was not that person in top sets, or that person chosen to be in the team..perhaps when you think of your time in education it takes you to a time of being bullied – but you can turn this all around!
The internet now means at the touch of a button we can search for whatever we need to learn….and there are different ways you can learn from videos to websites to podcasts and now more recently the likes of amazons “Alexa” or Apples “Siri” can do the searching for free.
Cost does not have to be an issue any more or should stop you in starting as so many things are free and lots of free resources out there. Do not have your own internet? I bet many have phones..and many places in town have free WiFi or if you have a library you can use their computers or ask friends and family to use use theirs.. maybe learn something together with someone! DO NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!
Try these 10 steps.
Ask yourself what is the problem.
What is that you really want?
what are you currently doing about it?
what steps can you take now?
Set up specific goals, you need to know where you are going. …
Take responsibility for your actions. …
Form a winning habit. …
Don’t be afraid to fail. …
Be eager to learn – re focus
Be proud of yourself
Thank you for reading…please feel free to contact me follow or send me a comment/question….
If you already are successful in business or in life and would like to be a guest volunteer blogger to encourage others please get in touch.
“Every next level of your life will demand a new you, and sometimes it takes being broken in order to become that new version of yourself” Arman Tarun Sharma
I would hate to think that in order to become a newer me, or a more “whole me” I have to be broken each time, but perhaps in a way this stands true – perhaps there are elements that need “fixing” in order to become this “new version.”
Not everybody like this idea of being broken, and some would argue we are not broken, but instead this is just a state of mind, that happens to feel very real to many.
Perhaps instead of the word “broken” maybe a sense of re-adjustment is necessary, or re-alignment.
Do you have problems sleeping due to stress or anxiety?
One night I could not sleep as much as I tried, and it was getting later and later until it was around 3am and then “it happened” – The chat.
The 3 am Chat
So I ask myself why I cannot sleep and the answer comes back “fears!”
I am thinking it’s 3 am, why would I want to chat about fears for ?
Bear in mind that quote about broken and fixing, so here are the things I had to deal with at 3 am it appeared.
I was having trouble breathing as my room is stuffy, I knew I needed to open the window yet I was fearful if I open it someone would try and get in. – I needed to open that window.
I have been putting off writing, writing on blogs, writing a book fearful that actually no one would be interested. Fearful I will not be as good as others out there or I do not have what it takes – I need to worry less about what others think, stopcomparing myself to others, value what I have to say as it may help someone.
Coaching – it is something that others affirm yet again I fear, who am I that I should do this, would this pay the bills? earlier that evening I was talking to some one in a forum, The forum she had gone to seeking help was full of well wishers but none that even came close to the support she wanted or needed reminding me of “The Good Samaritan story” where some came along either ignored the plea for help or offered well wishes rather than actual help. – 30 minutes later we discovered the root cause of her emotions and I was able to support and help.
Work emails (My non coaching job) – I have been avoiding these. I know I should open them, but I feel it is yet another work thing to be weighed down.. on what is already a demanding job, I decide to open up the email and despite my worse fears there was nothing too demanding – It waso.k, I was going to be o.k.
Having dealt with these, I was finally able to sleep.
So what did I learn?
I learned a few things. I learned:
i) Fear is only as controlling as I let it.
ii) Fears serve a purpose, in the sense they speak of something that is not quite right whether that fear is rational or irrational it is telling us something and sometimes we may have to deal with it before it prevents us from doing something, if it does not do so already.
iii) As a coach, counsellor I cannot expect others to deal with their fears if a) I do not deal with my own or b) I cannot offer tools to deal with fears.
I find this whole topic interesting, so if you would like to read more, I have included a few posts I found a good read. click on the links below.
If you struggle with fears and would like to chat or get help, let me know, I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts and experiences are around this topic. Maybe you have good tools or tips you could share! Click here to Get in touch.
This post today is about those feelings of inner brokenness and how to over come them.
Have you ever felt broken? This does mean to suggest you are actually broken, but it sure feels like that! – “Hang in there!”
I know about brokenness! Today I broke down in tears just listening to a piece of music, have you ever done that?
There was a song I had had in my mind for over two weeks.
I am not sure where it came from or why, but there I was at work, always at work with this tune in my head.
Despite not knowing what it was I was determined to find it and listen to it.
It was almost like I had a date with destiny, and I did not want to miss out on no date.
What was so important about this particular song I had to find out.
So I began my search, and there she was..
Within literally seconds I am in floods of tears. It was like meeting a friend who was waiting for me, who had been waiting for me and here I was a gibbering mess on my knees in a ball in front of them as they put their arms around me, and just held me….
They said nothing, just held me tight, and I sobbed and they held me tighter. They wanted nothing from me.. I had nothing to give, I had nothing to give.
For so so long, years and years I had held on to so much stuff, secrets, abuse. hurts, those things which I had never shared .
I had spent so long surviving it was literally making me weaker and by not dealing with the brokenness, because no one wants to hang out with sad or depressed people, I carried more and more stuff by myself.
Not only did I carry my stuff, I carried years of other peoples brokenness too because they needed someone to be there for them and I would never take that back, they are the most beautiful soulful people ever, and I will cherish them.It has been beautiful to see them grow and know I have been a part of their journey,
I refused to ask nothing from these folks only to believe in themselves and where they wanted to be, and to see them flourish was my goal….And how they soared and me so proud.
I found however, each time as heart warming as this was, I knew at some point they would move on or I would have to move on and this has honestly been a lonely journey. As good as a friend they may have become they could not take away what was at my core, and that was fine, I knew this was my journey.
And now I sit and listen to this song on repeat “as time stands still” and it feels like I have come to a time in my life of battle battle battle and finally scarred, bitten, broken feeling, I lift my head… and say to my myself ..”I survived.…..I survived…. but now it is time to stop just existing but to live.. and this means letting go.. not just a bit,, but all…. ALL OF IT!
In this moment, this paused moment, I do not have to be strong, I do not have to be some one else’s light, I do not have to be that father, that son, that husband, that colleague, that guru, that happy go lucky person, that annoying person, the person who fails, the person who does not measure up, that person who is never good enough…
*****Here I am in my utter rawness******
This person stands and tries to lift me up…. As I am unable to stand instead they kneel beside me
I am with you
I look up and see who it is who is there… and it is me… only a different version, it is hard to explain, but they whisper…. “I have been waiting a long time for you, I do not believe we have met properly but I have been there, you know that right?”
“come!” he says… “It is time!”
“Time for what? “ I ask
“you will see, this is your time…………………………………………………………….”
I get up leaving all my baggage. I do not need that for where I am going. I am now free.
I am free!
It has taken a long time to get here!
As I look around behind me, those who I have helped both dead and alive are standing together ushering me on…… and together they say…..
“This is your time… thank you for helping us, but it is now time to help yourself… and guess what, if ever you need us.. we are still here, we got your back..but go now… its time to go now………”
and it reminds me from the last scene of one of my favourite films “Labyrinth.
“should you need us.”
Thank you everyone, and thank you for reading this!
GOURANGA! (BE HAPPY)
If you have been affected by this post or can relate and want to chat about things or need someone to listen. Please do not hesitate to get in touch.
Question: Do you ever have feelings of insignificance? how does it affect you and how do you combat this?
How do you “add value” to relationships or situations?
Are you searching for happiness?
Today I will be exploring these issues.
I write as often as I can but sometimes life just overwhelms me.
I cannot explain how or why it does, I just know its’ affects, and it can be really disabling. Sometimes the most simple things become really hard, and it is like I get a block and I can’t move on.
time to pull over and rest
Some friends recently suggested I “stop” and “rest” but then I feel like I am doing nothing as it is, when actually if I look back over my day It has probably been far fromnothing.
I am suffering a lot with insignificance at the moment, and I wish I could shake it!
I belong to a few groups on line and a video popped up of one it’s members talking about how members can add “value” to the group rather than just “take” from it.
A lot of the business and marketing videos and books I am watching and reading is also talking about this theme of “adding value.” It is like I cannot escape from it.
A sense of irony.
I have been chatting to some one I know recently who is selling a house… I am in need of buying a house. I make inquiries and express an interest of sorts, as I wonder is this the right house for me as you would do. If you are investing in something you want to know it is something you want or can work with right!
The conversations over the next few days become strange. This person is then telling me in one breath how it would be a great house for me, and then not, as I cannot afford it, I should consider renting, there is a flat available this person knows or when they move out the place they are in. The reality is this person wants to get the highest value for their house, understandably so and knows I will want to offer a lower than market offer as others have done, only I am not it in it to flip or make profit, I just need a “home”
We chat about what I am currently getting for my money (see again value) and how if I want anything decent I have to pay a lot of money for it but I would have to give up things such as “WiFi” in order to afford what I want. As some one who spends a lot of time on line whether its supporting someone or research or earning money or writing, and is indeed a way of life, WiFi is not a luxury item ,I see it as a necessity valuing it more than food and drink itself – I digress.
Just because I am savvy does not mean I cannot afford things, and this person has no idea of my finances but makes presumptions anyway and begins to tell me what I need to do. I then think what value is this conversation bringing to me or is it having the opposite effect?
Just recently this phrase “what you need to do” has become quite the bug bear for me. I am sure it may come from a well meaning place, but does that person really know my needs.. have they asked me? I am more than happy to have a dialogue about this if they care that much about my needs. I am a rational guy, I can listen to wisdom……..
As a reflective person, I think to myself do I say similar things to others without realising?
Does what I say hurt others and would they tell me if it did? I hope they would and especially with friends as we are all on journeys and we don’t get stuff right. Am I adding value to this friendship?
Often in friendships, friends encourage us to be honest and truthful and be open as good relationships should be, but yet I find even this approach offends, so I learn to back off and distance and then I cannot offend. Perhaps this is counter productive, I do not know. I then begin to think what kind of friend am I actually and this makes me sad. I had to research what makes a good friend.
friends are better than gold
How to Be a Good Friend
Make sure they’re okay the moment you sense something wrong. …
Know when to be serious and when to be goofy. …
Go the extra mile when they ask for help. …
Don’t give up on them during their darkest hours. …
Make them feel wanted. …
Tell them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)
There is much more of course but now I think I fail at being a friend too sometimes!
If you do not know something.. do not be afraid to ask and research (seek and you will find)
I realise if I feel I can add value to life or to relationships then maybe I will no longer feel inadequate,perhaps if I can think less of what I am going through and think more of them, but then sometimes I am that busy trying to make others happy I never find time for myself.
As I looked more on this particular site, I found a page about happiness and seeking happiness.. I wondered if this too had any nugget of wisdom to add to my post of value and inadequacy and of course it did.
If like me you are on a search of happiness which seems to be my life mission, and I have not found the secret yet… my eyes were drawn to this one sentence.
“until I can learn to be happy right now…until I can be totally content and pleased with who I am right NOW, what I have NOW, the people I have in my life NOW, and the financial situation I am experiencing NOW, I will NEVER be truly happy.”
Today I give thanks and honour to my friends, readers followers, of whom without you I truly would not be here and I mean this literally. – Steven Alexander
This blog is not a side which many will see, will know of me, and I am sure would be shocked, but I share with you in my quest for mental-freedom whatever that looks like, so somehow I can inspire others and hold them up.
There are times when things just overwhelm me, and my mind and spirit just struggle to cope. I can have amazing days, o.k days, good days, but it can take just a word, or a message or just the tiniest thing to flip this emotion.
I seek breakthrough strategies that I can pass on and share to strengthen others, just as others have lifted me this month.
It is as though those who felt they were alone ,are being brought together, connected, to share, to relate, to just be with another…not to say I understand, not to say “what you need to do is” not to add to the burdens of life, but instead to metaphorically stand with.. alongside.
I have been building some foundations and my journey has taken some twists and turns but by grace I am being refined and shaped and brought back here as my place of retreat rest and sanctuary.
I feel like this blog, where I started my journey as a “Dads Diary” has become so much more. This is my virtual “safe room” that “cell” than rather confines me in a bad way like other cells, this one I can just be me.. I can cry, I can do business, I can go back, move forward without white noise.
So I am seeking breakthroughs today and putting them on my mental vision board.
I have a house situation… I’m seeking a house.
Still fighting to keep the wolf from the door – finances
Trying to reach my intention point and seeking alignment #law of attraction.
Continue to fight- depression, oppression, slander, bullying, jealous folk, scoffers.
Today instead of my normal blog I wrote a poem. A poem because to contain what I am feeling, I think I would explode or implode.
Not meant for anyone specifically and ironically this may offend and some may feel disrespected.
This poem is born out of the frustration of the world seeking so much, you lose yourself to a point where you despise yourself and others wonder why!
It is a reflection perhaps on the confusion that people feel about themselves of which, I am just as guilty.
The main difference is, I may not be unique in what I say, in the parts that others say but I will see beyond what you project because I see the hidden.
My poem. Some may relate to it.
“Which “me” do you want “me” to be!
Today I was asked not to be “me” because you said “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”
“You are not alone in not liking a part of “me” for others also, do not like other parts of “me” – which I then try to modify so I am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”
I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”
Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”
only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you! “me” being “me” disrespected you, (not true, this made me blue) yet you like other parts of “me”, so you ask me to modify “me”
“You are not alone in not liking a part of “me” for others also do not like other parts of “me” which I then try to modify so i am not “me” yet they also say, the part of “me” you do not like- they like, because it what makes me “me”
I have modified “me” so many times over the years I no longer know “me” and the “me” I do know now I don’t want to know because it’s not “me”
Which “me” do you want me to be, because you don’t want me to be that “me” but you still want me to be “me”
only it’s the “me” you want me to be when it suits you
My personal reflection:
I reflect on this and discover I am guilty of this, perhaps I try and change others to how it suits me. I am changing this and I am constantly trying to change this.
How do we change without losing ourselves any further than we already have?
The irony is even the “found” (I have found) are not as “found” as they would like to believe or project on to others.
Mentally things have been pretty tricky and I have been close to crisis point a few times. I have survived by focusing on work which itself has had its own challenges, but honestly between us, I have had a few blips and wobbles which have caused me anger and frustration.
I think focus has its place and something I am not that great on.
HOW TO FOCUS?
For me, I have to look further than normal… I call it “the end game” or “the bigger picture” or even “the long game”
I have been struggling with some of life’s fundamental questions AGAIN!
Who am I?
what am I about?
What do I want to achieve?
These are important questions to me as for some unknown reason I need purpose, I crave purpose but also valid reasoning behind them.
To brake these down then:
Who am I?
For those of us who have low self esteem, or have had bad experiences or hear those voices on repeat (I am not talking about schizophrenia) but those of WORTHLESSNESS etc etc, I do not need to go into detail… trying to play new voices on repeat that overcome these is hard. It is not as simple as “snap out of it” or “stop feeling sorry for yourself” These are genuine, crippling, voiced together of years of those words that stuck. You never intended them too, you wish you could vanquish them, however they are there, and some of us live with them.
#words can hurt, #words can scar.
WHO AM I? is also a search for “SELF IDENTITY” Sometimes we can lose ourselves in life, and lose ourselves in identities that are either fake, or shallow, or roles we have to play, or through survival. I wonder which of the “me’s” I have to play is the real “me?”
I re- learned recently when I “got lost” walking home that sometimes you have to get lost in order to be found…but also the question is, were you really lost at all, is a diversion a lost path?
I walked past a reflection the other day – I hate reflections of myself, but I looked, well, glanced. What I saw surprised me. I saw “strong” “proud” “independent” “Fierce” “focused” words I would never associate myself with. That morning was a good productive morning. Ouch I said “productive” another word I never use!
WHAT AM I ABOUT? This question is slightly harder and required some soul searching as again, the temptation is to go into default mode of..”nothing” “I have nothing” “I offer nothing” “I am nothing” and while there are some out there that would love to have me believe this – this is far from the truth and one of those lies of the devil. So I pondered….
I am about helping others, being someone that can be relied on, being a good worker, good friend, good parent. I am a reflector, I am a LIFE CHANGER! I am a being who does not give up in the face of adversity. I am a human being!
What makes us a human being? – what separates us from the animal kingdom? a blog for another time maybe.
I have wanted to walk away from my blog world this last few weeks. I keep asking myself WHAT IS THE POINT of them? of course not said in any positive or productive way.
A friend said recently as I was about to walk away and close up shop, said this..
“what you have to say is important. If it wasn’t you wouldn’t say it. If someone does not comment or whatever, it does not mean that it isn’t read or it hasn’t helped someone. You just do not know!”
My friend asked me what the blog was about…and I told her the content..
At this point my friend went quiet. “Don’t stop writing!” she said.. They are important issues, very important” She turned her head away from me.
At that beautiful moment I realised a deeper side to my friend as though she had confessed something without actually confessing it… I knew as hard as I found it,
I had to keep writing.
WHAT DO I WANT TO ACHIEVE? – world fame, recognition, riches? The truth is I really did not know, and perhaps this is why my blogs/life lacked direction, because I lack direction. My life was reflecting my mindset – chaotic. Perhaps it was hard to ask myself what I wanted to achieve. I was used to riding the waves of life, let others direct me, control me as though what I wanted did not matter, perhaps I did not care!
My parents and teachers would say “he can do anything when he puts his mind to it”
and I guess they were right… but truthfully this was too much like hard work. Do not get me wrong I am not lazy, I just have to seek purpose and meaning to what I want to achieve, and who for! I did not want to compete with others. I did not want to set myself up to fail or to maintain an unsustainable level of achievement.
I began to contemplate my memorable achievements. WHAT ARE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS?
I used to play a game called “paperboy” on my computer – I wanted to be a paper boy! – I became a paperboy -loved it.
I wanted to work in a fast food place because I love burgers and fries – I got a job working in a fast food place and got to eat burgers n fries. I also got fired as I ate too many burgers and fries.
I wanted to get paid for drinking and chatting to people in bars – I later did get a job doing that.
I wanted a job where I was paid to sleep – I am currently in a job where I get paid to sleep.
I wanted to WRITE AND EARN MONEY ON LINE – I am a little way there.
so my new mission or part of: is to travel and write and eat cake and write and drink coffee and write..oh and get paid at the same time would be great.
As I do have a charitable side I would have to help others to a capacity of sorts.
While out in the community I went to Mcdonalds… and there I was speaking on the phone when a guy began talking to me.
As I invited him over we chatted through life and issues and more life. The guy left with a smile and hope! saying “I haven’t smiled in ages”
Another friend.. needed spirits lifting.. so we spoke and I encouraged him.
It is as if in my desperation I was calling out about my purpose suddenly it is like God made appointments came my way of opportunities to help people where I could offer value. Helping others helps me.
This theme of lack of FEELING VALUED seems to be popping up a lot in peoples lives and work places- all around!
This blog , I refer to as my “rest room.”
Here is the place where I can be real, be honest, be me, and share. This blog will never be for everyone, it may never be for anyone, but it could be for someone, and that is enough for me.
My blog adventures.
I write for FedupofbeingpoorIt is an insight of “striving to thrive” rather than survive. If the title grabs you, please do go and visit. Any tips or comments welcome.
The throne Room is my RESOURCE site. Feel free to check that and check in from time to time.New free content added regularly. If there are life resources you think could benefit others and do not mind sharing or directing others towards please let me know.