Ugly, spotty, zitty, gusher, dotty, dot to dot, acne face.
Sound familiar name calling names because of your skin complexion or someone elses?
is your skin complexion giving you a complexion?
Ugly, spotty, zitty, gusher, dotty, dot to dot, acne face.
Sound familiar name-calling names because of your skin complexion or someone else’s? Many people suffer from oily skin or a, poor complexion through hormones, diet, genetics or, a variety of reasons, and not just females.
Many have been bullied, victimized, assaulted because of how they look often through no fault of their own.
This can cause low self-esteem, depression, self-hate, hate of others, suicides. Those moments can stay with people throughout their life often causing people to grow up hating themselves.
Add this to other life’s challenges and it is no wonder so many have a low opinion of themselves.
You may have heard it said.. “Beauty is more than skin deep” “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”
Do you feel beautiful when that is said? “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names never hurt me. They hurt! And can do so for years.
Not only do we see the blemishes on the outside, we feel like a blemish on the inside! At some point we have to tell ourselves we no longer want to hate our self but start on the journey of love.
When we begin to love ourselves, it matters less what others think. Today I share some of my story and try out one of the blemish face masks.
Not a sales pitch just raising awareness for mental health awareness week. Look after your mental health.
What you tell yourself matters. You matter!
If you have been bullied and affected by it and need to talk.
Feel like you are on your own, and no one listens or cares?
If either of the above is true, then lean in, come in closer, because this page, this page right here, is just for you.
Some times in life we can lose our way. There is no shame nor judgement in that and it can take the smallest of things , not just the big things to knock us off track, so how do we get back on?
is the path you are on the right one for you?
This seems rather a personal question but what it does, is gets you to think about what that means, and how this can help you.
Who are you living for? Who are you pleasing or trying to please?
Some times we live our life trying to please others and that is amazing, it is honorable but is it YOU, and do we achieve in pleasing them and does it make you happy?
If you are happy then feel free to not read further, but if you are thinking and have more questions then please stay with me.
WE ALL HAVE OUR BREAKDOWNS AND CRY MOMENTS.
You are not on your own if you do. It is human, it is natural and it is your bodys’ self defence mechanism trying to cope with what is going on.
Our minds, our hearts can only take so much! They need space to process, to think through to strategise what is next, and how to move on.
For those of who have heard of or study “Mbraining or Multiple Brain Integration Techniques MBIT for short ) we recognise that we have multiple brains that are capable of thinking.
The most common of these are the heart, the brain and the gut, although there are more.
So to give an example…..(just an example)
You might be feeling upset – heart
You need cheering up to find balance again – Mind
Gut – chocolate is the answer
Of course there may be deeper work that may need to happen but in that moment as a short fix as a band aid/plaster
“yes, chocolate gives off chemicals that makes us feel happy” – the brain – I agree to that solution.
“yes, chocolate is my comfort food and I do feel happier and I want to feel happier” – heart
“yes let’s do it” – gut
So in this scenario we say that they are all in agreement and we call this alignment.
How does this apply to my problem
What you are going through right now, may need a quick temporary fix to get you through but may also need some deeper work.. for example if I have a puncture, I may get a puncture repair kit which will work for so long but at some point I may need to replace the tyre.
Do you want a quick fix or do you want more extensive work?
Sometimes we get lost, stuck lose our purpose, do not have a purpose, lose our identity or lose perspective, and we need help restoring those things. Sometimes when we live for others or please others we lose ourselves.
some simple top tips
Acknowledge the moment – look back at where you have come from to where you are now. Ask yourself : Have you grown mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
Assess – what is not working right now, do you need help, do you have the knowledge, experience, skills to move forward, if not who has?
Ask and receive help – maybe you have helped others and now you need to allow others to help you . This is not a time for pride, independence or ego, this is not that time.
re allign.. – perhaps you came off course. Time to re adjust or head on a new setting or new journey.
If this has helped or resonates, please like share comment, or if you want help, please do get in touch to see if I can help further.
Have you ever had one of those major stomach aches that just get you up in the night, or you have to go on the bladder run in the early hours – and then you just cannot go back to sleep?
welcome to kitchen talk – I am sat with coffee at silly o clock watching the world go by and thinking those random thoughts you think when just absent in mind and far away, have you ever done that?
Last night the phrase “lost in awesome abandonment” just popped in my head, and a real sense of “wow, life is good” There I was just stocking my fridge, my freezer, my fruit bowl .. well .. look at this…
Life has not always been like this, far from it. In the last few years I had dealt with child abuse which my mind had locked away, I had been homeless, in debt, yet here I now was over looking the sea in my apartment, with food, good friends online supporting me with website work, being my business champions, giving me love, I was re united with an old college friend and for once I felt life was good.
life is our teacher
Life does have a habit of teaching us many things whether we have ears to listen or a heart that is open, but in truth we can be so full of hurt or anger that we can often miss the tiny things that life is teaching us .
So for example – being homeless – some peoples biggest fear… was once mine, and not something I would choose or wish on anyone, however theskills you learn are huge
Survival Think fast/act fast – because if you do not it could be a matter of life and death
Resourcefulness You learnquickly what resources you need,where and how to get them
Networking – linked with above, this is the who.. make friends, make contacts, get doors open
Gratitude – it is easy to have the mentality of “i want, i need” and victim mentality of “i deserve, the world owes me” but let me tell you, this will not get you far, so instead if you can master gratitude you notice how things change.
Lessons from Gratitude
Helping others through our stories
Why share all this, you may ask?
I often get asked… why do you share stories about you, surely isn’t that egotistical?
I share because…
people relate – and when we relate to others we form deeper connections
People like people who are like them – shared or similar experiences attracts similar folk
By sharing our stories we help to heal ourselves and others
If a stranger, friend or family tried to tell you what you could and could not do in your own home – how would you feel? – This is my home, my heart, my sweat and tears and I invite people into my home and my heart.
Offer of help:
If you need to talk about your story, or something you have been affected by, get in touch in private – Let’s chat … click here, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Treat yourself or someone else to some pamper time – free delivery over £30.00 in uk extra costs apply elsewhere .Check out my store here
Support my ministry – All support goes to help those that need mental health, emotional support, the homeless and those that come my way that cannot afford the help they need and need a step up not a hand out. click here.
It is not every day I wake up to a text message from someone I know, and expect to be greeted with those beautiful words “you’re an enima” (their wording)
I am not sure it is the kind of message that anyone would like or appreciate, yet there it was!
I read it again slowly in case I read it wrong … but no.. there it was…
How should I respond?
To give you, the reader some context, which I think is fair, this is in response to a message I had sent describing myself as “an enigma” meaning, a bit of a puzzle, cannot work out, and why would I say this about myself.
Have you ever been accused of being a certain way which has been hurtful?
In your eyes, you are not the person they say you are but from their perspective, their “truth” they spit these words out which you receive like venom and makes you question am I?
The truth is, maybe they only see certain sides of you, or parts of you which you allow them to see! Maybe they get frustrated because you do not fit their mould, or their boxes so out of their own frustrations and blind spots they will lash out or even say in a more gentle manner.
STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT NAMES WILL NEVER HURT ME!
Some of us may be familiar with that phrase, but if not it is one many of us in the uk growing up would have heard or said at some point growing up in their child hood.
In a sense, it is really nonsensical. We know that names can be very hurtful and stay with us for many years often affecting our adult lives in many areas of our life.
Of course as children we say it as a defence mechanism , as a way of saying “I am not bothered” or ” I do not care” whether we did or did not.
As adults then, how do we, or should we deal with name calling?
I guess in truth, there are many ways. We certainly have more options with our life experience, more developed brains, and coping strategies as well as perhaps different coping mechanisms that we have learned that were not available to us as children.
Perhaps you yourself have been called names or have called others names? – no judgement!
There is a saying that “hurt people hurt people” do you agree?
If you have been affected by bullying or still are and need to talk please DO GET IN TOUCH!
wHAT IS AN eNEMA, AND WHY AM i NOT OFFENDED TO BE CALLED THAT?
For those that do not know, An enema is a procedure which is used to relieve constipation and to stimulate stool (poo) evacuation. (I will not provide images)
To quote a google search definition “the process helps push waste out of the rectum when you cannot do so on your own” (www.healthline.com) – have you ever been called a “pain in the rear” or similar?
i am a peace of mind coach
I am often asked what kind of coach are you, what is it you do?
I often refer to myself ironically as a “poo coach” People come to me when they have poo in their lives, – and I help shift it.
I am a “stool” expert – there I said it!
As a healthcare worker in my spare time, I am trained in all matter of stools, from size, consistency, to helping with flow, to helping it function properly, as it does serve a purpose!
As a coach therefore, I help people with their mental, emotional or spiritual poo helping to restore flow, rediscover purpose and offer coping and handling strategies.
offer of help
If you need a “poo coach” want to restore peace to your heart mind or soul – please do get in touch and let’s chat.
Please do like, follow or comment if this has resonated with you .
I also now have my own cosmetics store, so if you are feeling like “poo” and need cheering up with a nice bath soak or body creams to treat yourself, please do come and take a look and support me. click below. Thank you.
Sometimes when we read books we can be sad that it finishes. Sometimes we are glad that it has come to an end.
Our lives however, are not books that we can pick up, put down when we like. We cannot just leave and forget about if we so choose.
Instead our lives are our living testimonies, live stories with events, circumstances and many changes.
The lead character is ourselves, sometimes the hero or heroine, or sometimes the victim. Often, however, we pick up many things inbetween that we attach to us to form our current self.
We are like the director of a film. The film is our life story – just how will it be written? How will it be perfomed? will people be interested?
Not only are we the actors and actresses, but we are also our own audience as we watch our life play out .
You are a director!
I always fancied having this title one day.. “Director” of my own business but NEWSFLASH we are the dirctors of our own business!
Need more clarity?
How often do we end up losing our selves because we have listened to lots of people. We have put other peoples voices louder than our own inner wants and needs. We like to please, because we like to make others happy. Sadly at the same time, over time made ourselves unhappy!
As the players we have been played. Others have directed what should have been our swansong, our show. Others have gained the applause from our work or taken the credit. We were left back stage at our own show, working hard behind the scenes, yet not being seen or heard. We may not have asked for the lime light nor wanted it, yet some small recognition would have been nice. Instead even this token was taken away from us.
time to make the cut
So now we sit up eager for things to change. What must be done in order to see this change? This takes thought and action not procrastination!
what things do we not like/want in our life – this will help us define what we do.
who is helping us or hindering us – gate keepers, key masters, you will find these.
what do I now need to get me where I want – resources, planning, mentors,
what do I need to sustain me when me I am struggling – my reason for trying (my why)
what is stopping you?
Time to put the pedal to the metal. Go go go. start start start…. and do it with all your heart.
If you need help, I am but a message, an email away.
What is at your core? Are you looking for change in your life. Same patterns? Same old? feeling broken? and need fixing or just need someone to listen?
I have been exploringvalues a lot these last few weeks especially core values. I have been discovering, re-discovering my own. The intention is that I can lead a better life, but also to help others.
Many talk about wanting to live a better life, lead a better life have more control, direction.
Folk I talk to, share, they feel like, they have no purpose, no direction. There is a feel in their inner core of “lost”.
The search for answers.
I hear what people say and can resonate, but the true answerscome not from me, but from within themselves.
My job, is to listen, and listen more. In that place of listening, I can hear more than just peoples words. I can hear heartbeat, life rhythm, soul talking, body talking and they tell me more than they are aware.
When we are still and quiet, we can hear ourselves. The problem so many of us have, is that our life is so chaotic and full of demands.
Many of us will put others first. Time to ourselves is a luxury. Many of us, want to switch off from life, escape ( however we do that)
Then we do the same again and again. “Same old…different day.”
Anchors and strong holds
It is through connecting and talking I can pick up on anchors that are weighing people down. I hear those core messages in their life which hold them back.
In life, we often hold on to these messages. Even though we think they are hidden, they can seriously affect our heart soul and mind like strong holds.
Some do not realise these messages lie like vultures eating away at us and feeding on rotten scraps.
Messages may come in the form of “feeling not good enough” “not worthy” “worth less” “unlovable” “stupid.”
A whole host of many more that you yourself could list.
What comes out of people, is due to these core deep roots. Some people hurt others because they are hurt, and others love because they know what it is to be hurt.
The good news is that you do not have to defined by these, nor do you have to carry these wounds and baggage. how good would it feel to be free of these?
Patterns of behavior
It can be so easy to repeat patterns in life because they are what we know, or the way we have always done them or we know no other way.
That does not mean to say that has to continue!
In school, or when we grew up, we had to learn things in a certain way. Some found this controlling in some ways giving little room for freedom of thought and expression.
As people get older, they get presented with options. Many do not get those options, and a certain way of life is forced upon them.
In society, many will continue a way of life just “because that is the way it is.”
It is possible that they do not have any reason to change and so they do not. I notice, that those who want to change often do not have the support around them and struggle.
Do you struggle with change?
It is easy to moan that we want change to happen yet expect it to work like magic. Truthfully something needs to happen in order to make that change happen.
What is it that makes change so difficult? – perhaps it is not knowing what the future may be, perhaps it fear?
If there was a leak in the house or the car broke we would get them fixed.
When it comes to our own mental health and well being, many of us are reluctant to get help!
A lesson from X men
A quote I heard in an x men film was a conversation between professor xsavior and a young Jean Grey.
“You do not need fixing because you are not broken”
Sometimes it feels like we are , when the reality is, we are hurting.
If you need to talk about anything I have covered today in this post, please do get in touch. Let me know your thoughts, experiences, your story.
Thank you for reading.
Please feel free to like share comment or get in touch.
Planning – Are you a planner? plan your days, your life?
Do you value and respect your time? and What is your time worth?
When you think of the word “planning” what comes to mind?
How would you scale your planning skills out of 10? 0 being not good to 10 pro.
Lots of questions but can you answer them?
I would say I am a 5 or 6. however realistically I am about a 2 still on occasion.
Would being better at planning help you or make no difference?
For me, planning was a word that filled me with dread, and to an extent it still does!
When I think about planning I think future, overwhelm, restrictive, stress, anxiety.
If I am honest, not the most positive emotions come to mind – however this is changing…….. and I will share why!
Planning can reduce stress and anxiety
To some degree, many of us can relate to stress and anxiety whether it is our own, or being on the receiving end of others.
At times I can have awful stress and anxiety, and I thought this was something, I just had to live with.
I notice that many others suffer the same as me, so in a sense this became “normal” and I accepted this.
If like me, you feel that life is chaotic and you feel like you don’t know if you are coming or going and it feels like you have not done anything, yet you feel so exhausted, then you have come to the right place and this post is for you.
If maybe you are an expert at planning, then please do feel free to leave any tips or hacks that could help others out.
Planning to change? – Change is possible!
One day, I decided to talk to myself as I often did, and started to ask myself what was causing me stress and anxiety. I wrote down a long list. My lack of planning and not knowing where my time had gone was causing me huge stress.
I wondered if this was something I could change, and if so how?
It was time to get to work.
i) Change Mindset ii) Learn iii) Action
First of all challenge your thinking around planning and what this means to you. Learn to either replace the negative emotions around it or over ride them.
I knew that I no longer wanted to feel the way I did. (change emotions and thoughts)
I knew that better planning would benefit me and my relationships with others (realise the benefits)
I knew that I had no idea about planning and I had to learn and seek help. (Know your limits)
Action the changes and the learning.
Distractions and Procrastination.
Recognise and admit it is easy to get distracted.
If like me, you find distractions are more fun.
Procrastination is the habit of talking about stuff you want to do or intend to do.
Do these benefit you?
Do these help you to get done what you need to? if yes then that it is fine and good but if not, be mindful when you doing these try to re focus.
Learn to be strict on yourself. and remind yourself why you are doing it.
If you think you need help and want support with planning andget in touch
I am Steven Alexander, writer, blogger, parent, healthcare support worker. Welcome to my blog!
The above question seems a strange and personal question to ask, but so many of us have huge self body issues which really affects how we feel and how we think, and affects our self esteem. This is not just females this affects it is males too, and actually, realistically non gender specific.
Do you compare yourself to other people and wish you had their looks, their physique, do they get the good comments and attention and you get…….not the same?
Truthfully, we never really know what is going on in someone elses life, and how someone else might be feeling, because even those that we may consider attractive to them… they could have just as big issues as us all!
The mirror Image
As I stand infront of the mirror I am one of those people who try and avoid it.
As I look, it is easy for me to find fault with myself, and hear those voices from past about what I look like, and it acts to re-inforce how I feel about my body and also myself. Isn’t it amazing how many of us remember and hold on to the negatives!
Perhaps you too, are one of those people that wish they could change so much about themselves but see it as a pipe dream, as un realistic maybe, maybe you tried those diets or many of them and they just did not work for you and now you have given up…. if this is you, I hear you, I understand.
It is your body – who cares?
If you are hating yourself or dislike yourself or worse because of how you look like and you feel like no one cares how you feel, and maybe you have given up caring I want you to know I care and if you need to talk I am here, get in touch
Why do I care? what do I know about body issues?
As some one who has had low self esteem for as long as I can remember, I know what this feels like , for me at least, the self hating, and how deep that can affect the mind and the heart. As some one with big ears, bad skin, obese, unkept teeth, skin tags… my list goes on and on.
As a self harmer, my body was the one thing in my life I felt I had control over so when I was in a bad way I would not take care of myself as maybe those in a good mental state would do as normal.
Some people might just see the outside and make comments about size or smells as yes my hygine was not as good as it should have been because I did not value myself or have self worth, but of course no one knows the inner you and may just see some one as “having issues” “acts wierd” “self obessesed” what ever coping strategies we may use to compensate what we feel inside.
But it does not have to be this way! – I say again it does not have to be this way.
IF THIS IS YOU, AND YOU CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THE ABOVE – STOP!!!!!
In the past I always put others first and when it came to myself it was like I did not matter.
I became tired, exhausted , used, misunderstood and as I looked after others needs more and more, my own just fell away. One day I just said to myself enough was enough and I was going to end it all one way or another.
I started on a journey of self development helping myself to be better and I began to seek help and support. I realised that by bettering myself I could help more people.
What the right support can achieve
People asking for your help.
Begin to look after yourself,
No longer listen to, or hang around toxic people.
Stress and anxiety levels drop.
Feelings of depression lowered.
Are you looking to improve your life? – Let me help!
Thank you for reading!
If you would like to share youir experiences or have been affected by this post then please get in touch. I would love to hear from you. thank you for visiting and reading please do follow my blog or check out more on facebook
or join my facebook Select Community “Soul cafe” search for Piece of Mind – Soul Cafe Steven Alexander Motivation Mindset Coach Group
A special thank you to my own network and friends including soul cafe tribe,”Tribal support” “Nourish” “mastermind” “samaritan University” mencap crew, Coach Hannah Lucy Galliers, Kain Ramsey – www.achology.com,
and a special thanks to an amazing guy,.the insperation of this post, who has inspired me to be consistant and just “start”, he is all about fitness diet, mindet, business, coach to entrepeneurs, the awesome Ollie Jordan Matthews http://www.revitalizeationblueprint.com
What makes a good friend, great friend or the best? Do you have a good friend or best friends, the sort you can tell anything to, be yourself with and share your inner most thoughts?
How could I write todays theme without reffering to this series which was and still is huge. It is of course as the title suggests “Friends”
If for any reason you have not seen this, it is about a group of best friends and their lives together, their ups downs, togethers, apart, laughter, tears, the coffee shop, the couch, the apartments and the characters which many of us could relate to.
The question at school when I was growing up in the play ground or in class was often which friends character are you?
I thought “Joey” was the best because “Joey does not share food” and I am not one for sharing food
.If you have never seen an episode I do fully reccomend it and I think it is the best and available here on “Amazon” or “Google”“Friends”
Good friend Great friend or The best
I wonder when you think of the word “Friend” what words pop up when you think of it……. I am guessing mostly positive and if I asked you to think of a certain good friend who has or does mean a lot you can probably picture them.. what memories come to mind?
If I look on” facebook” I wonder if that definition of “friend” would fit those say on “facebook” or other forms of social media or even people at work, do you class them as friends? would you class any family members as friends?
Strong Good, Great Best friendships?
For me this sums up where I am at with good friends because I believe you are who you attract around you – and that matters.
Who do you attract in your life and add to your good friends list and why?
There is a saying “iron sharpens iron” we attract like minded people…friends who motivate us and just know our mindset, because these are the type that love us for who we are BUT….. are all our friends good for us? This may sound a crazy question to ask and may sound harsh but is it?
Healthy Good friendships V toxic ones
Some friends can appear “well meaning” some can appear to “share” your joy when in reality they “seethe”… some may gossip about you, and some may even hurt you because we allow them to get close and they know us inside and out – have you ever experienced that? and some “friendships” are “toxic” meaning that actually, thay may not be the healthiest or the “best for us relationships”
I wonder if different friends come into our lives for different seasons and reasons like the kind that are are so special and amazing but then dissapear!
Have you ever had any of those and you wonder where those people are now!
Grateful for Good, Great and Best friends
I think goodfriends really do make us and shape us, and as my mom n dad would say, choose your friends well and the company you keep wisely.
Huge thank you to all my my good friends past present and future. I honour you and thank you from the bottom of my heart BECAUSE