My question today is this.
Where is God? Does God exist? does God listen to prayers?
To be honest these are often questions I ask. Whether you believe in a deity or not there are times I guess when we feel most alone, vulnerable, sad, angry.
I was walking in the park. It is a park of my childhood, today I was on my own. As I reached the end of my walk a cloud of sadness descended.
I’m suddenly feeling quite vulnerable and alone and I wonder what I’m doing with my life… What’s my purpose right..
I look at the church in the distance I can see n wonder where is God and I look around expecting something or someone.
My mind wanders. An old guy with his dog draws up beside me. The guy is roughly dressed, smells, looks battered and beaten and his dog appears much the same way.
The old man looks into my eyes.
“I seen them eyes… They look like sad eyes like the worlds ending like you got no fight left.”
I can’t disagree it sums up how I feel.
“here sit” he says pointing to a bench.
“rest up n let’s chat”
I do not know this guy. He reaches into a dusty dirty looking bag that he had on his shoulder and pulls out a sandwich. He picks some fluff and hair off.
“want one?” he asks waving it at me. I refuse politely although I’m hungry-not sure if I was that hungry.
“so what do you want.. You know will make you happy? ” he asks as he takes a bite and feeds some to his dog who eagerly nearly takes his finger off.
I ponder.. A reliable car.. A place bigger than a shoebox to live..to feel love.
And I guess there it was. I was feeling so empty, lifeless love less. I’d had friends texting me, through out the day, I’d messaged others.. Yet here I was missing a life I could never go back to which wasn’t that perfect either but seems that way at this moment.
“dunno” I shrugged lieing.
The old man put his hand on my shoulder and gets up.
“you will get there son. When you know where there is.. You will get there.” he said wiping his mouth smiling.
He called his dog who at this point wagged and looked at me.
“you ain’t gonna get there sitting there though” he said, “looks like it’s gonna rain.. And when it rains it sure does pours.”
I watched as he hobbled off. I wanted to cry but men don’t cry.
The old man looked round but continued on his journey and then it’s just like he vanished.
It was getting colder and darker and I had to get going as it started to rain just as the old man said and rather heavily.
I got in my car… And slowly I began to count my blessings.
I don’t know where “there is” but I have means of getting there.
I think I need to appreciate what I do have and maybe start there!
Tomorrow is a new day.
Thanks for visiting.